When I was in jr. high a bully punched me on the schoolbus. It hurt when it happened, but about ten minutes later it felt really warm and good where he punched me.
My chest hurts a little, sort of achy, but it feels strangely good. Maybe as a person with depression it feels good to feel emotions, even if they hurt. I am listening to Crystal Method with incense burning and the lights low. I feel strangely good.
There is also now the pressure off. I was feeling unsure about him, sensing he might hurt me. Well, he has. I was just saying to someone that I am assuming he thinks I deserve it, since I kissed him the day I broke up with Charles, or maybe because I hung out with Marathon Man the other day (I told him my friend Jack was coming up from Chicago) If he doesn't think I somehow deserve it than why else would he be so mean as to stand me up on Valentine's day? That's MEEEEEAN!
I am now a strong, single woman who is not willing to be treated poorly. I have been treated poorly a hell of a lot in my life, well as the keeper of my destiny it is my responsibility to not let people do that to me anymore. I will still take chances on love, but not be a glutton for punishment. I don't regret continuing to see him even though my gut said it wasn't going well. At least I was aware that I was doing it.
I have come a long way and I deserve good things...hell, I have good things!