Wow! Two days in a row! It's 9:44 and I am up, and what makes that a miracle? I went to bed at 5AM and drank alot, not as much as I suggested I had drank, but enough that being awake, and upright is a big deal. Uh, maybe though I am just still drunk, LOL!
Alan had a fantasy for goth girls, and so I was going to dress up like one and go to bondage a-go-go night, since I won't do this with Dwight, I mean Alan, I did it last night with my neighbor. While sober, I said "I want to say while we are sober that there should be no kissing, because it's not respectful to Francis" He didn't like the idea, but I am glad to have done it because I don't trust myself when I am drunk, especially right now when I am so dejected.
I dressed up with Chrissie Hynde hair and an all black rocker outfit. I thought I looked goth, roommate Jennifer and her friend Matthew said I didn't look goth. Anyway, My neighbor and I created characters, I was Thea, the burnout girl, and he was Jimmy Festivus, the guy I hung on for drugs.
We role played and it was so fun. I really felt in character, he said I scared him a little. Once we got to the bar I lost my nerve, mostly because I didn't want to be disrespectful of him in public. So I am "dancing like sex" as my roommate calls it, and I am realizing that I am desperate for male attention. I said that to my neighbor, I said "You realize I am addicted to male attention and I am using you for it, is that okay with you?"
I was dancing and then I look up, it's Jennifer and her friend Matthew!
Oh, I am just to tired to go into all of the fun that happened last night. To summarize, Jen and Matthew are old friends and have a special connection, they argue like a married couple, last night Matthew stayed over while Jen was having sex in the next room with an ecuadorian illegal immigrant and I was in the living room with Matthew, flirting up a storm with him and saying "you and Jennifer are in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv, and you are going to get married and have 5 baaaaaaaabies." I was very calculated about that, I was pretending like it was a drunken outburst, when really it was reaching out for information. Then she was coming out of the room and suspected that him and I were making out! I was kind of annoyed at her for that, here I am doing reconnasance for her, being a really good friend, and she is visualising me as being a bad friend. But I was flirting with Matthew, and, judging him a little bit, I think he is addicted to female attention, so I think he WOULD HAVE if I let him, especially since the love of his life was in the next room with an Ecuadorian illegal immigrant.
I called her this morning, she said she had a lot of fun. I told her I am going to deal with this depression not by holing up this time, but by acting out.
One thing I really need to do is NOT GAIN WEIGHT! That would kill the little shread of self esteem I have left over. I think I am going to go to the gym, and then come home and take a nap.
One thing...I liked Thea. I liked dressing like her. I want to be her again!
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