Saturday, February 17, 2007

I want Alan back

Yup, you heard me, I want him back.

Would I call him? Hell no. Would I accept him back if he asked? Hell no. Am I better off without him, probably. I still want him back.

Are my feelings projection from my breakup with Charles? Am I missing Alan because he filled up the hole that was left when I broke up with Charles? I don't know. Last night I had my chance to have Charles back, so if it was really him I was missing, then being with Charles should have made the painful feelings go away.

Is it the sex I miss, yeah, mostly. But I really liked that he was into music and fit in so well in Uptown. He was sort of a hipster, and I feel like that is who I feel connected with.

The worst part was how he did it! Oh my god! I had asked him specifically if he saw us together for awhile, if not this was his chance to say maybe not! Why couldn't he just break up with me? I am so humiliated!

One thing my roommate suggested was that this was revenge for me having Marathon Man visit me. Did I mention that on our first date he accidentaly said something about us dating forever. I think my being all hypersexual starting on our third date is what blew it. I forgot to maintian mystery. -yes, that is when he started being weird, or maybe I was being weird. Also, I gained 4 pounds.

I feel really foolish, and I can see what kind of person he is, but yet I still wish it hadn't ended! Is that unhealthy or what? I don't know.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I really wish I could cry again! I have work in 40 minutes so I wont push it out. I am so sad and humiliated...and LONELY!!!!!!!

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