I dont think I wrote about the nice moment my dad and I had the other day. I couldn't sleep at my grandparent's/dad's the other day because the walls were caving in on me because I was having traumatic flashbacks of living under my dad's care, but I made the choice to lie to my family, and say it was the ticking of the clocks that kept me awake. What good would it do to rub it in?
I had told him that night that he sometimes makes things more complicated than they need to be, and I reflected on how so much of what I had to un-learn in therapy I learned from him, and so he is still suffering from things I have overcome.
The next day when we were alone I mentioned this, how so much of what I have un-learned I learned from him, so if he went to therapy it could unlearn these things and reduce his stress. I also mentioned that one advantage I have over him is I am open to trying different things, and he is very stubborn. But if he could be less stubborn and more open he could benefit a lot from it. He has said in the past that he is too busy, so I loaned him a well respected book "the anxiety and phobia workbook"
His response was very receptive. He even said "I would love to be more like you" that is almost as good as hearing "I was not a good parent to you, and you deserved better."
I also think, that in the safe place as an adult that I am in, the "daddy daughter game" should continue. He needs to think of himself as a decent parent more than I need the justice of having it acknowledged that my childhood was ruined by his parenting and alcoholism, and that so much of the mental problems I face today are bcaust of him. the only danger I have to avoid is falling into the trap of hoping he will play the role of parent that I need, because he often lets me down, not that that is what he wants.
Wow, he just e-mailed me.