The evening after I told Juan he should move in I had an icky feeling in my chest. I wrote that I thought I was just tired at the time, that it wasn't my gut telling me I had made a wrong choice, and today I know that is true.
Juan moved in yesterday. He didn't exactly "move in" but he brought a few things and painted his bedroom (you read that right, he painted his bedroom the first day he arrived.) I was shocked by his choices of colors (he IS Mexican after all, and an artist) but they look pretty cool. The closet is a bright orangy-yellow, and the room is a bright greeny-yellow. It looks very cheerful.
I can see he is a good role model for me. He has a very busy and full life, but I think since he is a 42 year old Mexican-born man, I don't compare myself to him the way I do with a 26 year old American-born woman. Instead I see what he does better than me, and I want to emulate that, instead of feeling embarrassed and judged about my life (well I still feel embarrassed, but not judged.) I was so impressed with how he arrived at the house, went out and bought paint, came back, and painted. For me it would take me weeks to get that much accomplished.
I have also gotten to chat with him, and he is just an incredible and accomplished person. I learned that the magazine he publishes is not-for-profit. Most of the money they earn from the magazine goes back into the magazine, and I will tell you, it is really well done, it looks as good as a conde nast magazine. And it is very clear that the magazine is a labor of love for him, it is so important to him to show the Latinos in America the different opportunities and freedoms they have here, to teach them to think critically and come out of their shells.
He thinks a lot, (like I do) and he talks even more. Although my mind wanders a bit, I pretty much hang on every word he says. He is really smart, thoughtful, ethical, and unique. Unfortunately, he is not gay, but when I brought it up he showed that he was not homophobic at all, so I will survive.
I am glad he left the house, because once we start talking, he doesn't stop. But I like him a lot, I think he is a nice person, and I think he is inspiring.