Sunday, April 22, 2007

Yay for me!

Well, I half cleaned my room. It is still not how I like it, there is a cardboard box full of stuff to be sorted, a pile as big as a mountain full of dirty clothes, and the rug needs vaccuuming, but it looks like a messy human being lives here, not a mental case.

It's funny, I was a little dissociated when I did it. I felt like I was cleaning up after someone else. It was the healthy me cleaning up after the sick me. And I am feeling hopeful that the sick me can stay underwraps for awhile.

Thats the thing. I am not seeing my depression related problems as "me" anymore, I am seeing them as the sickness. That is a really good thing about going to therapy, it has taught me not to see depression as my identity, which I definately did. My identity is a very nice, smart, funny and analytical. The things that are attached to the depression are symptoms of the sickness, not me. I have depression, not am depression.

Well, the reason I stopped cleaning was I was at a stopping point, and have something I need to focus on, my taxes. I have to get them done so I can have money for Uganda. I really should have been more proactive in the money situation, I have been spending a lot and not doing all the money things I should. I still don't know what the tickets are going to cost me, well and there are a lot of things not done yet. Okay, I am feeling anxious now, time to get back to work.


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