What I want is to fall in love, and sex like this, at least now and then. Am I asking for too much? Are my expectations too high?
I keep worrying that they are. I am really porking out right now too, which doesn't help matters any.
I had a boy-meeting experience on the plane today. I commented on a man's pin, and he mentioned another pin, that said "stop driving." He tries to drive as little as possible, so I told him about my 5 year car-free life, and my "cars are coffins" water bottle. We clicked. He was balding, maybe late 30's, and maybe shorter than me, but there was something there.
I chatted with him a second time when serving drinks. He was able to identify the Greek and Roman names for the goddess I am named after, and what she is the goddess of. He told me he played accordion (and some other instrument) for a living! He seemed so nice, a calm, confident (but not cocky) look in his eyes...but then I realized, he doesn't wear deodarant. FUCK!
I sat in my jumpseat thinking about it. The reason I click with so few (American) guys is because I am talking to the mainstream guys! I am a hippy on the inside, and so my match is supposed to be a hippy. But I could not handle the idea of dating an accordion player who didn't use deodarant. Accordion player, fine, but I can't be with a guy who doesn't use deodarant!
Plus, the idea of dating a hippy, I feel so much like they would judge me. I am so mainstream. I drink soda with artificial sugar, I work in one of the most polluting industries, I vote for Democrats instead of Greens.
It's like I am neither one. I am not mainstream enough for the mainstream boys, and I am not hippy enough for the hippies. I'm this strange amalgam.
He didn't ask me out. I really thought he would, but oh well. Minus the funk, I was really hoping to get to know more.
I regularly wonder if I should get back with Charles. I really loved him alot. He would be a good father. Of course I wont get back with him, but I think about it a lot.
Nah, I am keeping hope alive. I think I will meet the right guy. In time to have kids? Maybe not. But eventually.