I used to get so upset when seeing myself through a roommate's eyes. I knew that I was incapable, without extreme effort, of living the outgoing, active lives that they led, but from the perspective they saw me with, all I did was lay around. I rarely went out, I rarely did anything. To their eyes I was a bum, when I knew I was depressed and couldn't help it.
Fast forward to today. I am no longer depressed, but what have I been doing a lot lately? Laying around in front of my computer, doing nothing. Now I am an actual bum. There is no medical excuse now. My lifestyle sucks. I have bad habits left over from my depression, and that is depressing.
Fortunately I have felt really bored lately. The computer isn't providing me with the escape I want, quite the opposite, I am feeling the desire to escape my computer. Some great news is yesterday, I felt like the same girl at home as I feel like at work. Usually I feel like a happy, smart, pretty girl at work, but when I get home I feel like a hideous loser. Yesterday I was able to see that I am a happy, smart, pretty girl behaving the way a hideous loser does. That needs to stop.
So the biggest step has to be my room. It was clean when I dated Alan, and that was a revelation to me. I LOVED being the girl with the clean room (when it is clean it is very pretty, I have a cute international decorating style)
Lets try cleaning it now instead of laying on my back reading online gossip.