Monday, October 17, 2005

To be memorized

Characteristics of codependency:

1. Most often putting the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others first ~ before your own.
2. Feeling that you give more in relationships than you get back.
3. Finding that your caring and loving feelings are turning to resentment because of feeling you are giving too much and are being unappreciated.
4. An inability to say "no" when "no" is warranted.
5. Feelings of substantial insecurity in relationships where there is little to no reason to feel like the relationship is in danger of ending.
6. Experiencing rejection sensitivity. This is the irrational belief that others are negative towards us. No one enjoys being rejected, but people suffering from co-dependence are unduly hurt by other peoples slights. They also often see rejection when it isn't there.
7. Feeling like the relationship "is out of control" or that you are "out of control."
8. Feeling that you won't be OK unless the other person is in your life. People suffering from co-dependence have tremendously strong abandonment fears.
9. An inability to set proper boundaries in relationships. Boundaries are where one person ends off and where one person begins. Boundaries are basically respect and good manners.
10. The inability to feel validated in the relationship regardless of how often they are validated.
11. Unhealthy tolerance of verbal, sexual, or physical abuse. A co-dependent person tends to view abuse as normal or the best that can be expected.
12. The inability to leave the relationship under any circumstance even when most of the good feelings have left and even if severe abuse is present.
13. Chronically engaging in behavior that is self-defeating in subtle and non-subtle ways.


Anonymous said...

This post describes my ex-marriage to a tee. Took me 12 years to get out of that. I got 'taken' out of the next relationship (which was the same) not by choice, which was excrutiatingly painful. It took the third one for me to get away on my own and have it all figured out.

Diana Crabtree said...

I am sooooooooo sorry you had to experience that! Thank god you are out of it now!

It sounds (from your response to the earlier post) that you should memorize the list too ;) , you don't want to accidentaly slip back into another relationship like with your ex.

Bless us MH! LOL

Anonymous said...

lol @ 'memorize the list'...I was actually thinkin of a quick copy and paste to my computer, so I could read it often :)

Diana Crabtree said...

I'm gonna do that too- I will make a copy for every room in the house, and one for on the road ;)