Sunday, October 16, 2005

Not eager

I am quite good. I think that this nightmare has "illuminated" a pattern and helped me recognize that I might have (god how cliche) codependant tendancies. Sex itself has always been a favorite thing for me, that is until I attach it to emotions.

I am yet to feel anything really, (except for this acid reflux feeling that has been in my chest since about 6 today) I know that I am really lucky to be out of the relationship, but am scared of when the disappointment will hit, I am hoping I will keep my head on straight through it.

The best thing in all of this has been recognizing I am a lot healthier than I thought, and that I am picking boys who will worship and be obsessed with me instead of healthy normal people because I don't want to face my insecurities.

So I am okay- I think.

mood: anxious? (my stomach and chest feel anxious, it could be punishment for all the wine I had last night.)

No comments: