Monday, October 03, 2005

The morning after

As I was writing the "patterns" post last night I felt regretful for pushing him away before he had the chance to reject me, but later last night I felt peace with it. He chose, in his profile, that he wanted someone slimmer than me, it wasn't me that assumed this, he selected it. All I had done was respond. And it's true how I feel, I don't want someone to like me "anyway" My body isn't great but it isn't bad either, I think it's possible to find a smart ethical lefty in my city who agrees with me.

The thing that got my attention this morning is what a good thing this 4 day experience is pointing out. I am develpong the bravery to go out into the real world! I mean, I have a "life" but I am honest with myself in knowing that most of my life is my inner life. This blog is a tiny step into "the world" and I credit it for a big part of my recent successes, but having the courage to contact a man who could be a GOOD match, and to give it a real try (for 3 days at least LOL) is a big step in the right direction! Lets say that my "looks like our preferences arent compatible" e-mail was indeed a pre-emptive strike and I had made a huge mistake. I still should focus on how far along I was able to go and be proud. Maybe next time I can e-mail for 5 days before pushing him away LMAO!

And another good outcome from this experience- I disagree with his decision to exclude "ample" from his profile! I can say, honestly, that I think I am attractive! I really want to lose weight, alot, but I don't feel that the weight loss is a necessity before I become a good catch. I think, for a select few, I am a very good catch. I am very smart, kind, supportive and interesting (to a select few ;) ) and even though I am still not living my life the way I want, I am well on my way.

mood: "Ample" with confidence

4 comments:

Jürgen Nation said...

Yay, your comments are up!

Awesome job, really awesome. You need to celebrate each little success, each TRY. The trying means the most; once you stop trying you might as well be dead. I'm so proud of you! And yeah, the internet dating thing is very narrow minded. You can check the correct box and have someone automatically dismiss you without having met you, or you can not check anything at all and risk them not finding you their type when you meet. I think checking the box is better because the person who realizes that you're beautiful on the inside is the person who's right. I could go on and on, but I'm really happy for you. Please CELEBRATE this success, won't you? :)

Satan said...

See Diana, comments are great. You certainly wouldn't want to miss this sort of feedback. I really enjoyed chatting with you this afternoon (your night).

Thanks Jürgen, I know Diana really needed to hear this sort of feedback.

Diana Crabtree said...

Yeah Stacy I did! I have a big grin on my face right now! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!

And thanks Satan for thanking her, if at least someone is acknowledging the comments then maybe no one will call me names LOL

Jürgen Nation said...

Ooh, I'm late to this party, but thank you, Satan, for thanking me! And thank you, Diana, for thanking Satan for thanking me! Er, something, you know what I mean. :) Feel the love - cheers all around!