Tuesday, September 27, 2005


As a child I loved books and games where you had to survive with few resources. The boxcar children, swiss family robinson, and most recently “the life of Pi” were and are the kind of stories that kept me riveted. All that these upcoming changes that may occur are bringing me is an opportunity to play this survival challenge with a bigger and funner outcome- real life rewards.

This is not a real crisis. I will continue to have shelte, food, and peace, and damn it I am not giving up my medicine. I have my friends and family, what more in life do I need?

So how to deal with anxiety...One, I am getting anxious, my fight or flight response is kicking in. So I need to use it. I have a plan...find out about school, healthcare options, and budgeting. Planning is done. I do not need to think about it anymore, analyzing it and analyzing it does not help me. Saying “what if” only helps me ONE TIME, so I am mindful of it, after that it is a waste of energy.

After the plan is made, action. Thinking about it does not help. Only action. If here, on the plane, I can not do anything more regarding school, than thinking about school is useless. Here on the plane I can write a post, organize my bag, write an estimated budget, meditate, and tend to the plane, but that is all. Thinking when I don’t have the opportunity to act does me harm.

If I feel anxiety I can tell myself- this anxiety is not accurate. I have a plan, until this plan has been tested I have no reason to worry. If the plan doesn’t work I can worry at that point, until I come up with a new plan.

mood: intense, but level headed. (sort of glad to be a little anxious from my period, it is propelling me into action!)

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