Got Milk?

Well I have a doctor's appointment, and got to speak with a triage nurse on the phone today. She told me I probably do not need to be concerned, it is likely a reaction to the vaccinations. Phew!

I was quite worried. More worried about losing the risperdal than of having a brain tumor. If I had a brain tumor and anxiety medication, I could keep things in perspective and have the strength to go through whatever I need to. If I didn't have anxiety medication or a brain tumor, I would still be as stressed if I did have a brain tumor.

The risperdal, like the ativan I had in 2001, is like a lifeline. I am normal all of a sudden (well, I wouldn't go that far) I am able to function in society, I'll say that. To take away the risperdal would be taking away flying for mainline, falling in love, so much. I feel like I can be myself when my anxiety is managed, I am just so preoccupied with rediculous things when it isn't.

If this milk thing isn't something to worry about than I must say it is so cool. Seeing milk come out of my breasts just made me feel like a goddess. I could FEED A HUMAN BEING! It is such an amazing miracle. Like watching the mice I bred to feed my snake reproduce, but better ;) While I was serching online I learned that when a baby is born the mother produces colostrum, which is full of immune boosters, then as the baby starts suckling the body produces milk! Oh my god I am more in love with my children- how could that be? I pray I am fertile. I will give up my anti-depressants and risperdal for pregnancy in a heartbeat (a well thought out heartbeat with a lot of medical and personal support of course) I can't BELIEVE what a miracle creating a new life is! (here's what will happen- I will find out I am actually pregnant- THEN lets see what a miracle I think pregnancy is! Hee hee)

I will keep you up to date!