Monday, March 05, 2007

I am not convinced that eating tons of food will make me gain weight

I need an intervention. I am eating like food and weight have nothing to do with eachother. When I look in the mirror I see a pretty girl hidden by blubber. I am making myself FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

I wrote a post a month or so ago about missing my anti-depressants and being in a great mood. Well forget I ever wrote that. I have been taking 2/3 of my dose for the last 3 days, because I forgot to refill it, and I am not loving the experience.

For one thing, I am eating like crazy. I had 2 doughnuts this morning at breakfast, then after dinner I calculated my points and found out I had eaten 31 for the day (to lose weight it should be 26) so I decided to stop eating, but when I got to the hotel room I ate a PB&J sand, a small bag of popcorn, a can of soup and two bags of instant oatmeal! Again, it feels like there is no connection between the food and the eating. I am blowing up! I need to stop!

I also had a bad experience on the plane. There were about 15 Japaneese tourists on the flight. They kept getting up when I was doing the beverage service, so I backed up 3 times (not an easy feat!) each time I backed up someone else got up! I couldn't even serve the last 4 rows. I made an announcement saying "Could you please not get up until I have finished my beverage service? I apologize if this is an inconvenience" Yes! I actually apologized that I wanted to finish serving people their beverages! And what happened after I made the announcement? Someone else got up. I finally just left the cart and served the last 14 people by walking up and down the aisle. I am surprised I didn't cry. I got close.

So basically I need to take all of my medication, take vitamins, eat reasonably, and excercise, before I fall off the deep end. I am fortunately reading "the zen path through depression" so hopefully I will make it through tomorrow without jumping out of the plane mid flight. Or getting too fat to get through the main cabin door!

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