It is so hard to find a balance with eating. I can eat twice a day's calories in one day if I just let myself eat all the fattening things I want. But, when I am trying to lose weight, if I dont pay attention to what I am eating, I will only eat 900 calories!
It is obvious why eating twice a days calories is a mistake, but so is eating 900 calories. It will slow down my metabolism, and likely lead to bingeing in the long run, due to hunger. A diet expert described it as "Dieting hard vs Dieting smart" to eat 900 calories is dieting hard, like holding your breath underwater. Dieting smart is to eat a healthy diet that is good for your health and manageable for the long term.
Today was one of those holding your breath underwater days. I ate cereal, a bag of tuna, an apple and a ham sandwich, and I was ready to call it a day and not eat anymore. Then I saw my captian eating a salad and I could not take my eyes off of it, it looked so delicious. So I went and got a bagel, and I felt much better. It is such a great feeling, to feel satisfied and nourished after you have been hungry. When I would eat all day I didn't get to feel that satisfaction of knowing my body has all the nourishment it needs for the moment. Eating was such a constant, so I didn't feel that extra enjoyment of a satisfying healthy meal.
But even if I have eaten enough today (I haven't counted but I am hopeful) there is still this agitation I have been feeling since I have started working out again. I have been feeling tired and cranky, and I remember now that this is the reason I have quit working out so many times before. Not only was I tired and cranky, I would become stupid, and heaven knows I can't make any more mistakes than I already do.
So if I am increasingly agitated since I started working out, then whats wrong? I have some theories. One, I may be dehydrated. Two, I may need a little extra sleep, at least while my body adjusts to this increase in activity. Three, excercise may be lifting my depression, and increased brain activity could increase my anxiety (it makes sense, anti-depressants seem to increase my anxiety.)
All of the above sound possible, but I have another possible theory...withdrawl. If I was using food to calm my anxiety, and now I don't have a steady stream of it, I am being forced to feel my anxiety. Maybe my expectations of my moods were unrealistic. Maybe I unreasonably expected myself to not be annoyed by the passengers, so I drugged myself with food to meet that expectation. But I have to say, I have been PRETTY ANNOYED lately.
Oh, who knows. I just really want to keep excercising and eating right. Maybe I should see a doctor and find out if they have heard of crankyness when a person has enough calories and sleep, but who's body is losing weight.
Oh well, I ought to go to sleep before I make the crabbyness worse.