Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Break up postponed

I spoke to Charles on the phone tonight. Apparently he returned home to learn his stuff was in storage, the owner of the townhouse was in a lease to own situation, and apparently couldn't afford the morgage payments when they began. I guess they didn't bother to tell him until he called to tell them he would arrive.

And his car has broken down too, someone was supposed to come fix it, but left him sitting at his house all day and then rescheduled.

And his voice, it was so low and quiet. Was I going to go to see him and just add to everything that he has lost his girlfriend too? I was going to call him back to get directions, and I decided to check up on his state of mind. I said "you've had such a rough day, are you sure you are up to an arguement?" he responded "do we have to argue?" (as if after 3 weeks of being blown off, with 5 months of little communication I would be in a hurry to hang out with him, expecting nothing) Of course when he said that I said "Yes, we do." We postponed the meeting for thursday which sucks, because I have a date tomorrow with Alan, and what kind of impression does it make for a girl to have a boyfriend in the first place, but then to have postponed the breakup for another day, it makes me look like I am two-timing Charles.

In a way I am cheating on him, we havent yet broken up, yet I am talking on the phone with a boy, even hanging out with him, in hopes to one day be more than friends. I can live with myself though, I'm not trying to have two relationships at once, Charles and I have had no relationship, and when I made an effort to invest in it, he just blew me off. We would have broken up a month ago but he wasn't here for me to do it in person, and thats what you are supposed to do, right? Your not supposed to break up over e-mail or the phone, right?

I don't feel (very) guilty, I really tried to make it work with him, and I came up against a brick wall. I have to believe that this is a cultural thing, because who blows off their girlfriend, doesn't speak to her for 3 weeks, doesn't even tell her when he will return home, and actually thinks that she will want to hang out with him without arguing? No one could be THAT clueless!

I just want to get this over with!


Lavender said...

i have some questions, since i am new here.

how long was he gone for?

could you explain why its a "cultural thing"?

wish you the best.

Rich said...

What? What the hell is going on in your life? I go away for a couple of weeks and now you're cheating on me, not only with your boyfriend but some guy called Alan.


I have some questions too, since I am new here. Is it wrong to think Lavendar Dawn's avatar is hot? I know it's a drawing, but really, check out that rack! The pic reminds me of a librarian I know.

bbgwhlve: bad bad girl, with her lve... ers.

Diana Crabtree said...

LD, Charles is born in a rural village in Kenya, and has been in the US for only 4 years. We met in mid january. Our relationship has been EXTREMELY sweet and affectionate, but without very hot chemistry.

In August he left back to Kenya, to do research for his PhD, it was initally planned to be 2 months, but then he was told to make it 3. Right before he left he sprung it on me that it would be 4, and right before he was supposed to be back, before Christmas, he tells me its going to be another month, thats 5 months!

When he left I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks! No phone call, no e-mail, no nothing. I recieved no e-mails telling me what was going on in his life, just some "I love you & I miss you" phone calls. This went on for months, and I got extremely frustrated, and I started to express that I needed more communication from him. I was very specific. I told him I wanted to hear stories about the things he is doing and how he is feeling about his research. He agreed to send me more e-mails, but then he sent me one that said "I love you and I miss you." After that I wrote him a long, heartfelt letter about how my needs weren't being met, I got no response so I sent him a second, and at this point angry e-mail, then I sent him a sweet one reminding him that I say all of these things because I care about the health of our relationship. After this he sends me an e-mail saying "Thanks for your concilliatory e-mail, I thought you hated me, I decided to not to respond in the same way, nor to even defend myself (so he was just going to ignore me and let me stew in my anger) So I sent him another e-mail, expressing in depth my feelings, expectations and concerns, and he wrote me a letter pretty much blowing me off, saying "we will talk about these things when I get back" as if a person's strong feelings can be postponed for a later date. That was 3 weeks ago. I didn't even know when he was coming back.

So thats the story. We had a lot of differences and a lack of strong chemistry, but at least we had the love and caring for one another. But now we don't even have that, and I can see what sort of husband he would be to me, so it's over.

Thanks for your kind wishes

Diana Crabtree said...


Is that comment your way to rub it in that I am, essentialy, cheating on my boyfriend? I guess I deserve it.

Maybe I wouldn't cheat on you if you weren't looking at all the hot avatars all the time. I mean, how can I compete? I am forced to wear this stupid orange hat because it is 1963 Delta dress code! I am beautiful on the inside damn it! And if you would even notice me, instead of looking at all the sexy librarian types, maybe I wouldn't look elsewhere for attention.

lskckpjc - listen sucker, kissing can kill pathetic joyless cares

Rich said...

Well, technically, you are cheating on your 'boyfriend'. Not much of a boyfriend though. I think my comment was my way of poking fun at the situation you find yourself in.

PS. If it makes you feel better I think you're beautiful... rack looks good. And your avatars pretty hot too. Shhhh, don't tell the librarian.

I have to run away now. Heading out for a night on the town. Chat soon though :)

knfunph: knowing nice friends understand naughty people habits ;)

Diana Crabtree said...

Thanks for your understanding. Such a good friend, seriously :)

And thanks for the comment about my rack, compliments like that always make a girl feel classy :)

Have fun tonight :)

imoar- I M overjoyed at rich

Diana Crabtree said...

And lavender- Dont be grossed out by Rich's comments, everything he says is tounge in cheek (even if your avatar DOES have a great rack ;) )

Lavender said...

thanks, my friend marlee made it for me, from northernboudn.com. i do have a nice rack irl though. chicks stare at my boobs all the time.