Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Mood kill

I have incredible news, but I have to write this first because it was enough to dampen my mood.

My roommate is painting the kitchen, which is awesome, which I think I have said half a dozen times. Yes, I did point out there was paint on the ground, I DID NOT WANT TO, but it had to be said since she wasn't using the tarp (which she didn't use today either by the way.) So she put the food into the pantry, which I was going to do, but oh well. She said something like "you can change it" or something and was pointing out that certian shelves werent fitting on the shelves in the pantry. I commented that I could see a few places that would create more room, and her response was "or you could just say 'you've done an amazing job, thank you' " I said "well I have said that about fourteen times, but I guess I will say it a fifteenth time, youv'e done an amazing job, thank you"

So she comes back into the room and says (in a not bichy voice at all) "when it dries I will let you put the dishes on the shelf so its the way you like it." Her tone wasn't bitchy, but I know what she was saying, I am critical is what she was saying. But I am NOT critical, her mom was critical and she is depressed so she is ultra sensitive. And this is totally unfair to me, because I am sensitive also, and I don't deserve to be seen as unkind when I am kind.

She has decided her best friend isn't good enough because as an actor she would be okay if all she did was commercials. She has also decided two other friends aren't good enough for her. We all know I'm not good enough for her. And when I pointed out depression she let me know that it is not her, it is the rest of the world.

It really does make me sad to see her upset, but when someone puts their pain on ME, making me feel bad when I was in the awkward position to point out the paint on the floor, and then saying...what did I say anyway? It's not fair to me. I'm not mean.

I had to write this so I could get it off my chest. I should be coming home glowing right now after the night I had, but instead I am tense.

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