Oh my god, I can't believe you are real. I don't regret anything, but I am in pain right now.
I feel like you are cruel for living in Germany. I feel like you are cruel for existing, because I could fall so madly for you, and I feel so inadequate.
You are beyond appealing. I never thought I could find a scruffy beard, dirty clothes and smoker's breath so beautiful. Everything that came out of your mouth seemed so authentic, I was unequipped to interact with a person so lacking in artifice. Your flaws are beautiful just by their sheer honesty.
I admire your courage and modesty. You don't have a shread of that arrogance so common in people who have accomplished alot. And I envy and admire your willingness to put yourself in danger, in spite of what you know.
I can't say I am glad to have met you, but I prefer it to not having met you. It hurts. Oh my god it really hurts.
When I met you I had a feeling that the universe wanted me to learn something from you, I think what it wanted me to learn is to be genuine, to not conform to things that don't fit, and to not settle for men, and friendships that don't fit either.
How do I cope with this pain? Constructively. I have to be the best, most authentic person I can be. I must channel this pain instead of turn it inward on myself. I must be productive with my time, and if I see you again, I can be closer to the person I am, which deepens the potential for true human connection.
You are beautiful.
You are so beautiful.
mood: pain, uncertainty, pining