Tuesday, December 06, 2005


The last post got me thinking. Ever since I saw the film "Rent" and my cousin told me that Maureen reminded her of me my behavior has changed. I had forgotten that I wasn't always so mopey and tragic. I had alot of enthusiasm, I was very ambitious and adventurous. I was wild and energetic. People gravitated toward me (and remember- I didn't even have good social skills!)

I remembered that I used to be full of energy, I worked at a health club and would dance through the house, kicking my leg to the height of my head, just for the hell of it. Remembering that girl I was must have re-connected some neurons because not only has the rediculous random kick returned, but I find myself dropping everything when my favorite songs come on and dancing to them "Yeah! Thats my cut!"

If I was that woman before then I am that woman. That woman is in me and I want her back. Listening to the song "take me or leave me" brings me back to a surprisingly confident time in my life. I would imagine those words coming out of my mouth back in the day. Watching this character has inspired me, brought out the best in me, I think I have found a tool in regaining my health.

This isn't a new tool really. The person I am is an amalgam of people I have observed, everything about me comes from copying, copying, copying. When I saw a person who had "something about them" I would instinctively try to incorporate whatever it was into me. This does not make me fake, it was my instincts that chose the qualities, the people's roles were as muses, the qualities were in me, and observing them in others strengthened them. (and not all of these qualities were good, back in the day I was also vain, stuck up, and diva-ish)

I have decided to, on this blog, post about the people with that "je n'sais quoi," as muses to encourage and accelerate my return to my authentic self. I am inspired by Jay's "Friday Fuckfest" but I don't plan to be consistant with the format or occurance of them.

So naturally, Muse #1 will be Idina Menzel


I love that this picture came up when I went to google images, I remember this, this picture was from some glamour-type magazine, it was to promote some new play called "Rent" and the article was about "how broadway stars stay in shape." I remember being transfixed by her face, it was so, well, weird looking. I had heard of her again when I found out she married Taye Diggs, and I had also heard she was in the play "Wicked."

I don't know much more about her, but I know enough to be inspired. I am inspired by her incredible "weird" beauty. I am sure there were two dozen fashion models in that magazine, but I don't have their faces imprinted in my mind. I know she can't inspire me to have beauty like that, only god and a person's parents could bless someone with such beauty , but I can be inspired that she shows that her different face makes her more beautiful, too many people see their uniqueness as flaws.

I am inspired by the character she plays in rent, Maureen, for her vitality. She is an artist, and is un-apologetically herself. The character is quite flawed, but I can be inspired by the good parts.

I am also inspired by all actors in musical theater...could there be a harder job? Singing and dancing, night after night, and, at the same time, having to act, entertain, and hopefully move the audience. I like how Idina played Maureen in the film, I imagine she was good in Rent and Wicked considering all of the accolades.

When I look at Idina Menzel I feel inspired. I feel inspired to be dedicated and excellent at my job. I feel inspired to be my vibrant quirky self, unafraid of the fact that I am different and that I attract attention. When I look at Idina Menzel I feel inspired to say "Take me baby or leave me!"

mood: inspired of course ;)

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