This evening I sat on the couch watching "The Family Man." Tera watched the first half with me, and for the second half got ready to go out. The movie is about a man, who lives his life one way, and gets a "glimpse" of how it could be different, had he chose a different priority.
Tera went downstairs to let up with a flight attendant she met in training. I didn't love the idea of company, but I had it in me to make pleasantries, especially since I might have to see her at work. In walks a frosted blonde, in a long pink coat with a coach bag. How did I know it was coach? Do I know alot about handbags? No, the coach label was printed all over it.
Besides the quantity of pink and the awful print on the handbag, she looked nice, almost chic. I welcomed her with a sweet "hi", assuming it would be met with a "hi", and maybe the friendly chit-chat that feels required when a stranger enters your house for the first time. Instead I got a forced hello, I said something about the airline, but didn't bother to remember what the words of her response were, the message was clear however, "I need not bother".
I am not sure she ever looked at me. She hung out in Tera's room while she was getting ready, oh, except for when Tera was changing, she came out and stood in the doorway with a headset on, saying nothing. This was a good thing, I overheard her talking in Tera's room, about living at home and how much she hates the airline but doesn't know what else to do with her life. Her loud, nostrily regional accent made me really wish they would leave.
Prior to 2002, when I seriously contemplated suicide, my internal response to interactions like the one tonight was to say "I really need to change" I saw her type of behavior as acceptable, and would...yuck...try to be more like her. Having this girl in my house was almost like a parallel "glimpse" to the movie I was watching. If I had made the "choice" in 2002 to continue to behave in the way that I was, her treating me that way could have ruined my night, or worse, I could be like her.
As she left she opened the front door, stared out it, and said "nice to meet you" in the same tone of voice that someone says "I have to go to the dentist now." I responded "nice to meet you too" with the same facial expression I would make if I saw a person talking to themselves: surprised, mildly amused, but really wishing I didn't have to see it. She didn't see my expression, but Tera caught me, I didn't mean for her to see it, but I inclusively laughed when she met my eyes.
I am not as evolved as I would like to be. A more evolved person might see her as a target of compassion not ridicule. And, I have to admit, if she was an elegant mechanical engineer and stuck her nose up at me because I don't have a degree, I would probably slump down in my chair and say to myself "I really need to change" but, then again, in that department, maybe I do.
mood: tired (and excited for work tomorrow :) )