Ahhhh. I don't have a specific thing to write about, I just feel like writing. I am home, and happy to be home, but I was also happy to be at work. I like my job, in spite of all of it's flaws, and I am sincerely freaked out to imagine my life without flying. It has seeped into my veins!
One thing that has made getting back to work is having more personal space. (If you saw the airplanes I fly on this statement would make you laugh) My roommate is perfect in every way, but she was raised with two sisters and a brother, not to mention parents who were involved in her life. I am an only child, who spent much of her life watching TV, or playing happily alone in my bedroom. It is really overwhelming to hear every 10 minutes "I think..." and "we should..." it is quite the privledge to get to be friends and roommates with such a great person, but I need some time when I don't have to listen or respond.
For some reason reading and writing on the computer, which requires a great deal of mental formulating, feels really good when I want to be alone. Maybe I have stronger reading and writing skills than listening and verbal skills.
The fact that I feel overwhelmed is very much within my control. I am a people pleaser, no question about it, so I work very hard to keep from hurting her feelings. She says to me "We should join a [fill in the blank] activism group" or "we should start a [fill in the blank] business" and I say "thats a great idea" when what I am thinking is "that sounds like much more work than I am willing to commit myself to right now." She convinced me to start an e-bay business with her, and I agreed, but I am going to assertively tell her no.
I sense that she is A LOT like me, an "ideas person" and ideas are very important, and only some people have the skill to think outside the box. But ideas alone don't lead to success. The idea needs follow through, hard work, and focus. I think she is in the stage of her life where the whole world is out there for her to take. I am at the stage in my life where I want to focus on small, achievable goals, and build upon them a little bit at a time, until they become big. What I need to do is focus on my goals, a condo, massage certificate, weight loss, getting rid of stuff, and of course, mental health. Spending time on the business, while it might bring me extra money, would distract me from my goals. So I am going to assertively and kindly (and firmly) tell her I won't do the business but I will happily help her (I am happy to- I LOVE thrift stores!)
This post has been a sincere diary entry, not much form or focus, just the things that were on my mind.
mood: pretty ok :)