I was in the Gulf of Mexico.
My pilot buddy "Earl" lives in Pensacola, I had an overnight there last night and he picked me up at the airport. We stopped at his parents house (nice people) and then went to the beach house, well, what USED TO BE the beach house. The bottom two floors had filled with sand (I saw the mud line) there were holes in the ceiling and the whole place was musty. I guess it was "totaled" or whatever because they have to tear it down and rebuild it.
It was cool to be there. It was all condos, and since so many are being rebuilt there was NO-ONE there! We walked along the beach with flashlights for awhile (No building lights-awesome!) I asked him if the little bubbles in the sand were clams. He was so sweet, he looked when the waves washed in and ran up and dug in the sand. He got some "periwinkles," little teeny clam cousins. They were so cute and teeny, we put one on the sand and it stuck its little foot out and pulled itself back under the sand. Even cooler were the "sand-fleas" they were these huge white bugs. After he caught one it ran in circles and disappeared into the sand. It reminded me of the trilobytes in "The Mummy." We also saw a cute white crab. Earl tried to take a picture of it with his phone, but the white crab on white sand wasn't working.
After some wading I got the courage up to strip down to swimsuit and brave the cold. The water was 70 degrees, which FL people think is cold, but in the city I live in, even on hot days the lakes are only 70 degrees. We walked back to the beach house and went in. We played in the waves for about 10-15 minutes (didn't see any sharks :( but something did nip on my foot :) ) then I started to feel my body temperature go down and I asked if he wanted to go in. He said he can come out here anytime he wants to so we got out. I did this because I didn't want to leave feeling unpleasant, I wanted the memory to be just nice. I think I made the perfect choice, because as we were driving away I had a tiny pang of wishing I had stayed, but not enough to want to go back. And it started to rain.
So did you think I was for once going to just write a post about my day without including some navel-gazing psychobabble? Well of course I wasn't! Here's a revelation: I had fun. Your thinking, "Of course you had fun, you were in FL on the beach." 2 years ago, right before I started my job, I was in Florida, and I didn't have fun. I thought "hmmm maybe life is worth living" (thats the equivalent of fun for a depressed person LMAO) But yesterday I had fun. Not as much fun as I used to have, but I am happy to take the little bits of joy I am given.
I also did something amazing...I wore a swimsuit in front of this guy. You could see our figures, the moonlight was bright enough for that (and boy did I see his figure...yum!) And I was in a swimsuit! With a cut guy! THAT is big for me! I had the dark to aleviate the redhead-skin anxiety, but I was fully in swimsuit, he could see my figure, and I was okay with that. And this is a big deal. Most girls my size (cute in clothes, but big in a swimsuit [big for real, not girl insecurity big]) would not be comfortable with this, let alone someone with social phobia!
So I had a nice night last night. With 3 hours of sleep.
Hmmm, I guess life is worth living.