Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Love Letter part 3

Thanks for taking the time to do this. I agree to respect the boundaries you have set. You don't have to respond to any of these, I am just putting the questions down. (remember- I am learning how to establish healthy boundaries too!)

You said: I have no boundaries. I am starting from scratch, but I will give this a shot.

This is not true. I know you have SOME boundaries. I have seen you write on your blog the way you deserve to be treated (ie dont whistle at me like a dog) I think its fair to say you need to work on strengthening and enforcing the boundaries you have.

You said: 1. I ask you understand times is hard to come by here as well at times. Being a mother can be very demanding. But, I hope to be there as much as possible.

I think "I hope to be there as much as possible" is too flimsy. (I know I sound nit-picky, dont take it as critisism, Its meant in the context of an excercise, for me too!) "as much as possible" does not take into account how valuable your time is. You have your children, school, and your personal development to work on. You have to know for yourself how much time you have available to give, so you dont give too much away at the expense of your own priorities!

You said: 2. I am very, very freakish about privacy. If something is private it is to be kept private. I would kill someone for reading my diary w/o permission. So, there's a rule (is that a boundary?)

That is a firm, healthy boundary. (homicidal tendencies excluded LOL) You have the right to be as private as you want (it actually surprised me how many details you disclosed on your family site) see! I told you you have boundaries!

You said: 3. I don't accept criticsm very well, please bare with me, and be as nice as possible with it.

I promise to think through what I say. Please tell me if I am too harsh (I like to be straight-forward) so I know to stop.

You said: 4. Please be understand before my meds kick in, I may be a wave to ride. I apologize. I just ask you take everything with a grain of salt.

I can take alot, please just be clear. I can't handle anything like the other night happening again. If you are in crisis, contact me, but be kind and let me know you are okay.

I hope these are boundaries. I'm not sure. But they are things I ask, so I hope that counts for something :)

They are :) you say they are things you ask. I hope you mean these are things you insist on! :)

Thanks for doing this. It makes me feel safer allowing myself to feel concern for your situation. I am (however) going to do what the healthy boundaries list said and let my concern develop slowly (arent I an A+ student) LMAO

You really are a patient person. As a person who has let people step on my feelings and ignore my boundaries, It is hard (and scary) for me to say "I insist you respect me if you want me around" because the other person may not be willing. It means alot that you are willing to respect my boundaries, and I am willing to respect yours too. BTW this is the easy part...the hard part is 1. Saying something when boundaries are crossed & 2. Backing it up if the person won't stop.

Thanks again sunshine! No need to respond, the questions were meant as comments as much as anything.

This has been good for me! However, personal growth is useless if it interferes with your day to day self-care! So even though I have 10000000 more things to say I have to finish getting ready and go to bed for my long work week.

mood: inspired, antsy, relieved

1 comment:

Diana Crabtree said...

Did I remember to say Thank You? THANK YOU!!!! For everything!