A+

I recieved a 100% on my test in recurrent training at work today. To not recieve 100% would suck, because the instructor went over it before we took it, but there are TONS of procedures, and the questions are worded tricky, so it's not unusual to miss a few.

What makes this 100% score meaningful to me is the fact that I am often insecure about how well I do my job. I do a GREAT job at the things that matter 98% of the time. But I am sometimes insecure about how competent I would be if someone were to have a heart attack or if there was an emergency landing.

This is my second recurrent, and although I have a LONG way to go, I can see my confidence with the material has improved since last year, and since initial. I was very proud of myself in my CPR on the recessu-Annie doll today, I usually just do what the instructers say to do in CPR training, but today I was able to get in the zone, as if this were a real heart attack, and I did not find myself lacking.

I am proud to see my improvement. I know that if I just try to do a little bit better each time (like take those stupid life-lines out for EVERY preflight) I will build to not only being good day-to-day, but also good if that day comes, if the universe tests me.

I am glad recurrent is over, but am still really overwhelmed. I havent been taking enough time off (I learned in training that airline employees usually have a mild form of hypoxia and sometimes a mild form of the bends!) I havent been taking enough time off for my body to recover, and I have been very busy in my tour guide class, we are coming towards the end, and our classes are meeting 2X a week (WTF am I doing? 5 day trips w/ 2 days off PLUS 2 classes a week?) I am hoping to make it through the next 2 trips (fortunately a 3 day and a 2 day) but I am really close to burning out. Since I can see the end in sight (more than 2 days off) I am trying to keep it together, but my body and brain are getting pretty weary.

For those of you thinking "that big baby, I only get 2 days off a week too" well you get to go home at 5:00! I am at work some days from 5AM to 7PM, sleeping in hotels, carrying my whole life with me, plus the stresses on my body of pressurizing/depressurizing and blood pooling in my feet. All while being nice to people who argue with me because I politely ask them to stow their purse! But all this stress is why I get the big bucks. ($20,000 last year!)

To stay at home moms who don't get wages, weekends, lunch breaks, or legal rest periods, okay, you win, I'm a big baby! :)

mood: overwhelmed, exausted, sore, tired, impatient (for a rest!)