Yesterday I saw that I was naked.
Two things happened on-line that reminded me how vulnerable I am on here.
I have discovered a creative outlet...writing. Starting this blog made me feel like doors have swung open, and thoughts that have ruminated in my head for years flew out, bringing in fresh air, and making room for so much possibility!
I put myself out there and exposed a part of myself I try to hide, and I was rewarded by meeting a kindred spirit. This new friend has been supportive and kind, making me feel safe to continue to expose that less impressive, but no less authentic Diana.
Yesterday when surfing around I saw some things that brought the feeling of safety and excitement to a halt...like in a movie when the music stops suddenly, and the last thing you hear is the SCRRRRRECH of the record stopping.
It started when I saw that I have some new viewers. I was pleased to see I was getting new traffic, and went to see their profiles. I saw that they had some values in common with me, and had some values different than mine. I think their intentions were kind, but who's to say someone else, who's values are different than mine, won't have unkind intentions. With the doors to my core swung wide open like this, fresh air can be let in, but so can pollution.
As I have surfed around more, I have begun to comment. Many of the sites I have enjoyed and commented on have discussed the topics of politics and/or religion. I think I have made a mistake of allowing my comments to link to this site, because the venom that is spit nowadays when it comes to these topics could really hurt, since I leave myself so vulnerable on here. All of the comments I have made have been supportive, but they also have revealed more of my spiritual and political beliefs, the very things that people love to attack.
It's also easy to be cruel when you are anonymous. In my surfing I have seen comments that I think would be worded differently if stated face-to-face. It is a privledge to be anonymous in writing a blog, because you can discuss issues about people in your life while keeping their identity concealed. But with this anonymity we are also open to attacks, which you can't always see coming.
My plan to protect myself is to not put comments on other sites that reveal my political or religious affiliations. I think these would be pretty easy to figure out if someone were to read my posts, but if that were the case, they at least would recieve more of the gestalt and perhaps see me as a person, and not as only a symbol, as happens in so many religious and political conflicts.
I also am going to remain mindful that as in the real world, there are people that mean other's harm, so I must protect myself online as much as I do in my day to day life. My face may be hidden, but my heart is exposed.