Sunday, May 29, 2005

How could you David?

Meaningful dream last night.

In my dream there was some philosophy group or something, some group of intelligent people who gathered, I think it was a college organization, something that is open to everyone. It was about 8 people and I sat in on a meeting. One of the members of the group was David Cross, (a comedian who I have developed a crush on from watching Mr. Show and Arrested Development on many of my days off in May.) In the meeting I didn't say much, I felt shy. David Cross made some joke that I didn't get, and I quietly asked the person next to me what it meant.

Apparently I had dozed off, when I woke up I could see (ok- its a dream remember) that in front of each person's seat (not DC's-he was in the grass on a pillow under a tree) In front of each seat was engraved a line of poetry making fun of me. It implyed I was dumb and that they should ditch me, which they did. When I woke up everyone was gone.

They say if you are being chased in dreams you should turn around and confront what is chasing you. I did that once, and the next day I wasn't scared to go to my bus stop, where I had to pass a girl who said she would beat me up. Well I didn't know I was dreaming during the dream, but I did confront the group, I told them that they were behaving like idiots, like we were in Jr. High or something. And then I proudly shouted my clencher-"You aren't an organization- face it- your a CLIQUE!" (I was so proud)

This dream was totally about my crew these last two weeks. For the love of god the captain is in his thirties with a kid, but I feel like he is a snotty jock who is REALLY nice to my face, and then makes fun of me behind my back. In my dream, as in real life, I am annoyed, not devastated, which is an important thing to me. With my social phobia the bullying I recieved in elementary school and Jr. High was devestating. In fact, I am still operating in that mindset to this day, at times- what am I saying? usually- I think I am going to be attacked and mocked. But I didn't feel like shrinking these two weeks, I felt mad. I wish I got mad as a youth. I didn't. I am sad to say I believed the bullies. The dream was about my crew, and I stood up for myself.

I am glad to say it's over. I succeeded in blowing off the Detroit man, & keeping perspective with childish pilots, this week, but I still have to succeed at designing the tour. Its the day after tomorrow.

The only thing I have to fear is fear itself.

mood: procrastinate

5 comments:

G3T Films said...

...and me!

Diana Crabtree said...

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself
-Franklin Delanore Roosevelt

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaand satan!
-Manservant Hecubus

Diana Crabtree said...

I got a search engine query from this post on DC's name. Can you imagine googling your name and then finding that someone has a crush on you...and then scrolling to the top and seeing a LONG list of mental illnesses! AAAAAHHHHH!

G3T Films said...

Life is full of happy little surprises. He cares enough to google search your name... the rest is spin...

Diana Crabtree said...

I don't understand your comment Satan. Someone put "David Cross" into a search engine and got my page.

Was the above comment a satanic premonition? (I hope so ;) )