I take every self-respecting thing I said back.
I decided that the first man who asks me to marry him I will say yes, even if (like Detroit man) he says "Do you promise to never make me mad and always be flossy" or (like Batman) "I met you last week but I am certian I am going to marry you and by the way I love you and my parents will DESPISE you because you arent Jewish and will run our lives." Why am I so eager? I want a house with a picket fence and a doggy thats why!
Like a teenager I am "sleeping over" at my friends' except it's in the guest room of their house! They are renting, but it's a house, they are engaged, and I am seeing that I am starting to feel a little old for the apartment life.
I don't think anything is wrong with the apartment life, but there is something so lovely about moving somewhere and staying put. People say that when you stay somewhere a long time things accumulate, thats not the case with me. The longer I am in one place, the more orderly things become. It's all a matter of having just the right place for things (in fact, that's the major reason I am messy, I never stay in one apartment long enough for everything to find its perfect place.)
I have stayed where I am for more than a year. Oh how glorious. When I was in school, I moved 9 times in 2 years. And with a deceased mother, I have more belongings than most college kids, try a household's worth. I started packing things in Sterilite boxes, becuase I knew most would not be unpacked. They are the best purchase I have ever made, and make moving, and life much easier for me.
I don't have to go anywhere but Emma (my roommate) might. She may study ESL teaching in Timbuktu, she hasn't bothered to tell me her plan. I am both hopeful she wont go and eager for it to happen. I just don't like the limbo. Her and I have different, often conflicting communication styles, which causes misunderstandings and frustration on my part. On the other hand I really respect her, I can't say the same for alot of the party-people I have lived with in the past. She is a hippie to the N-th degree which makes her a good match with me.
If she left I could find a flight crew roommate, which would be great, because they would never be there. But, if she stayed, there would be no new dynamics to figure out. Even if she does stay, I am pretty sure she will move in with her boyfriend. He is a jewel, and I would certianly approve, all I want is to know what is going to happen.
I think the real plan is I need to buy a condo. If I thought I would get married in the next 5 years perhaps I would wait, but if by now I have only had 2 long-term relationships, neither of them functional, than perhaps I need to be realistic, & create a good life for myself WITHOUT a man, so I don't end up with someone wrong for me. Besides, it is a harder transition to get married & divorced than it is to just wait for someone compatible.
But wait, I forgot...I am getting married! I want a house with a bathtub, a porch, a mailbox big enough for Netflix, and a garage I can keep my bike in. I am thinking that Detroit man is my first choice, he just has to take his test and then he gets his real-estate license. If something goes wrong, like I make him mad, then I will convert to Judaism and marry Batman.
If all else fails, there is always NYNDM. He would be like the easiest husband, if it were like our pre-relationship then I would never have to see him! Especially if someone "important" showed up.
I have my bases covered. Who needs fulfillment? Who needs to connect? Who needs to live an honest life where I can look in the mirror and be proud of who I am and the choices I have made. I want a vegetable garden!