Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Plan B

I take every self-respecting thing I said back.

I decided that the first man who asks me to marry him I will say yes, even if (like Detroit man) he says "Do you promise to never make me mad and always be flossy" or (like Batman) "I met you last week but I am certian I am going to marry you and by the way I love you and my parents will DESPISE you because you arent Jewish and will run our lives." Why am I so eager? I want a house with a picket fence and a doggy thats why!

Like a teenager I am "sleeping over" at my friends' except it's in the guest room of their house! They are renting, but it's a house, they are engaged, and I am seeing that I am starting to feel a little old for the apartment life.

I don't think anything is wrong with the apartment life, but there is something so lovely about moving somewhere and staying put. People say that when you stay somewhere a long time things accumulate, thats not the case with me. The longer I am in one place, the more orderly things become. It's all a matter of having just the right place for things (in fact, that's the major reason I am messy, I never stay in one apartment long enough for everything to find its perfect place.)

I have stayed where I am for more than a year. Oh how glorious. When I was in school, I moved 9 times in 2 years. And with a deceased mother, I have more belongings than most college kids, try a household's worth. I started packing things in Sterilite boxes, becuase I knew most would not be unpacked. They are the best purchase I have ever made, and make moving, and life much easier for me.

I don't have to go anywhere but Emma (my roommate) might. She may study ESL teaching in Timbuktu, she hasn't bothered to tell me her plan. I am both hopeful she wont go and eager for it to happen. I just don't like the limbo. Her and I have different, often conflicting communication styles, which causes misunderstandings and frustration on my part. On the other hand I really respect her, I can't say the same for alot of the party-people I have lived with in the past. She is a hippie to the N-th degree which makes her a good match with me.

If she left I could find a flight crew roommate, which would be great, because they would never be there. But, if she stayed, there would be no new dynamics to figure out. Even if she does stay, I am pretty sure she will move in with her boyfriend. He is a jewel, and I would certianly approve, all I want is to know what is going to happen.

I think the real plan is I need to buy a condo. If I thought I would get married in the next 5 years perhaps I would wait, but if by now I have only had 2 long-term relationships, neither of them functional, than perhaps I need to be realistic, & create a good life for myself WITHOUT a man, so I don't end up with someone wrong for me. Besides, it is a harder transition to get married & divorced than it is to just wait for someone compatible.

But wait, I forgot...I am getting married! I want a house with a bathtub, a porch, a mailbox big enough for Netflix, and a garage I can keep my bike in. I am thinking that Detroit man is my first choice, he just has to take his test and then he gets his real-estate license. If something goes wrong, like I make him mad, then I will convert to Judaism and marry Batman.

If all else fails, there is always NYNDM. He would be like the easiest husband, if it were like our pre-relationship then I would never have to see him! Especially if someone "important" showed up.

I have my bases covered. Who needs fulfillment? Who needs to connect? Who needs to live an honest life where I can look in the mirror and be proud of who I am and the choices I have made. I want a vegetable garden!

mood: ENVY!

33 comments:

Satan said...

Marry Me! The only problem is my room-mates are billions of tortured souls. You can certainly have the picket fence though - Black's the right colour isn't it. Oh, and the Dog has 3 heads and devours souls but he is house trained....

Diana Crabtree said...

I am uncertain if there is a difference between hell and the suburbs.

Satan said...

Now, now, now...

I was the first Man (type-thing)to ask, by right I deserve an answer.

And, there's no real difference except that we have the tikki-torches without the pool.

Satan said...

I'm taking off, things to do, I expect an answer tommorrow... not that I'll be able to read this post as you'll have updated ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

I say yes if there is a house.

No matter who I marry, its still your voice in my head...oh I cant even laugh at that one!

Diana Crabtree said...

BTW...I guess your okay with the fact that I'm not Jewish?

Satan said...

Only if you don't make me angry : )

Satan said...

Yes, we can have an e-house for our e-marriage.

Diana Crabtree said...

LMAO! What makes Satan mad? Flowers? Hugs? Sunshine?

If we have a kid will it be the anti-christ? (would we start e-armegeddon?)

BTW...what is our puppie's name? Does each head have it's own?

Also- why havent you posted that awesome counter someone posted in your comments? I think who ever did it did it anonymously so the right wing loonies would harrass only you, not her, er, I mean him or her.

CherylOnAllFours said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CherylOnAllFours said...

Darl,
All men are bastards! We don't need them. Marry me instead?

Diana Crabtree said...

Cheryl-

I would marry you if that were you in the picture.

I suspect its not. I think you are mocking fat people. I'll stick with marrying Satan and will see you in hell- your application will be accepted.

Diana

Satan said...

You'll have to wait for my post on Satan's site to find out. It is coming... I'm really busy & I shouldn't even be posting here...

Cheryl - She's all mine, I've left you a message on your site...

CherylOnAllFours said...

No Diana, I'm not mocking fat people. Only the morbidly obese ones that get naked photos taken of themselves & make them public.

Satan said...

Cheryl, you're ruining my e-proposal!

I know you are usually the vanguard of the damned. I am well aware of your work through the ex-MacDave & although I don't always agree with your humour, some of it is funny.

I trust this site will not appear on Penny Hinklers list.

Satan said...

@ diana: Despite what your IP data tells you- Cheryl is definately not me, just another one of my tenants in hell.

Diana Crabtree said...

Whoever Cheryl is, sorry but thats not my type of humor and I don't want to participate in it.

Please refrain from commenting here, thanks.

CherylOnAllFours said...

Ms Craptree,
You've obviously got no sense of humour!

Diana Crabtree said...

I appreciate a different type of comedy than you do.

That is okay with me.

Satan said...

I know, I know.... please Diana, don't poke the beast - they can be unforgiving : (

Satan said...

I've quietly disembowelled Cheryl and hopefully there should be no further interruptions. : )

Satan said...

Oh, even though our e-proposal is in disarray, there is a debt-free house and a plan for a second.

Satan said...

I've just read your comments on my page : (

Cheryl is NOT me - I promise! But there is no way to prove it to you. Satan is the only me - but I do know MacDave and Cheryl (and several of their other characters including Ethel...)

: ( Oh well

CherylOnAllFours said...

Dear Diana,
I know you have a lot of problems, but Satan is definately not me! Neither is he ethel or the Grand Turby. He's quite upset with your outburst.

Grand Turby said...

Dear Diana,
I am certainly not Satan either, but I would like to make a proposal of marriage to you though. I do not care if you are not hindu.

Ethel Turtletop said...

Ms Crabtree,
I too am not Satan. But I would like to say that I fear you have quite broken Satan's heart. The last time that happened, all Hell broke loose!
Best wishes,
Aunty Ethel

Satan said...

*Satan starts head butting wall* Please stop it! she can only see one IP address because we're behind the same firewall. It just looks like I'm trying to clear my name by posting as different characters. Just stop it! : (

*groan*

I am really sorry Diana

Pazuzu said...

Diana,
I am not Satan either, but I would like to be.

Diana Crabtree said...

I'm over it-

but only because this is the most traffic my site has ever gotten.

Satan said...

Cool - both that you're over it and that you've done something to your site that allows me to leave comments on older posts again. Grrrrr! (only because it wouldn't sound right for Satan to say Yay!!!). Although I still don't know if you actually think they're all me?!

Diana Crabtree said...

I don't think they are all you.

At that moment I didn't know what to believe (after the identity theft accusation any amount of manipulation seems possible) but when I returned a few hours later my intuition told me there were more than two styles of writing.

Grrrr LOL

SpiderSolitaire said...

shit, now I forgot what I was going to say... oh yeah...
ok, shut the hell up! lol (sarcasm, love you!)
ok, screw this. What does DIANA want? Do you want a condo? get it or don't! Do you want a puppy? get it or don't! You are so worried about how to make your marraige happy that you aren't focusing on making you happy in the present. It makes me sad. I understand how you want all those things, I have those picture perfect things in my mind, but hunny, that got me 17 & pregnant & married to an abusive man. It will happen when he is ready as well as you. Remember, he needs to be ready too & maybe you are at a great time, but you will only get better for him as he is ripening for you. As my counselor says, knock out the "should"s. I want you to be happy where you are then move to the next level, and that's what you need. I love you for who you are & when that perfect man comes along that I will allow (that is not Satan, sorry, she's just not close enough to the South to be used to that hot temperature yet) to propose to you, it will happen & things will fall into place. And who knows, sometimes when you end up there, what makes you happy isn't what you pictured at all (says the woman married to the computer nerd that loves games & anime). You'll get it, just know that the time it takes to get there is setting it so it is perfect. Let us call it tanning. You must have several sessions before you are bronze, but after awhile, there ya are, all tan & sexy (or not, I'm ghostly white, but you get my drift). If you try & rush it you get that whole Urban Legend of frying yoour insides & dying... see, wasn't it better to just give it time to get the best result? (I'll check w/ Hubby to see if he'll become Mormon so we can marry you, an extra income will get us into a house faster...)

Diana Crabtree said...

I LOVE it! Lets do the Mormon thing. He wont want to leave the house for gaming because he will know if he does we will take care of our needs without him ;)

I am loving all of these responses from you!!!! Sorry I didn't fix it sooner!