Since my appointment with Dr. T with an assignment to reflect on my behavior and causes of my behavior with men, I have been watching a lot more TV! Are there better shows on? Not at all! Its the same exploitive talk shows and melodramatic serials. I am just procrastinating, which I see as a good sign, a sign that this is something I really need to address.
I have come to a decision that I am very comfortable with regarding the man from Detroit. I simply do not want to be more than friends, and that is okay. I was open about my intentions from the start, and there is no need for me to feel as if my decision is based in some sort of predjudice because thats not the case.
I am not interested because he lives in Detroit. I am not interested because he said to me "If Im gonna shine your gonna shine" (read: you said you are low maintenence, but you should become high maintenence) I am not interested because he had said, more than once, "Just don't make me mad." Although he said he's never hit a woman, and he may mean "don't do something terrible like kill my puppy-dog", I still can't pull anything good out of "just don't make me mad."
I also would get tired of translating everthing he says in my mind. I realize people have bilingual relationships all the time, but in my experience communication is hard enough when you use the same words and phrases, a ton harder when one or both people have to really focus to understand what a person means, because a misinterpretation can completely change the tone of a conversation.
I feel sad to hurt anyone, especially a big sweetie, but I have a good plan. It is true that I have been doing too many long distance things, and I told him that from the start "I don't want a relationship, long distance sucks" so I will tell him thats why. I am off the hook.
I feel lucky to be making a new friend, and I will certianly be jealous when another girl comes along. I know this is the right choice, because I was feeling the same anxiety I feel when a salesperson has pressured me into buying something I didn't want. That anxiety has gone away, the same way it does when I go back to the store and return it.
mood: tired - yeah, in the depressed way :(