Monday, May 30, 2005

I got myself out of bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am up, out of bed, even though I have a huge task today.

I went to bed last night, I had 2 days of not much sleep, and so I took quite a risk by not getting the tour done, because I have a hard time getting myself out of bed when I don't have a time I have to be somewhere and I have a lot to do.

This morning when I woke up the first time I decided to to follow Dr.T's instructions to talk to myself as I would a traumitized child. My usual thoughts are sort of jokingly hyperbolic or dry and sarcastic, I began thinking that way because it sort of made me laugh, but over time I think maybe my subconcious, like some people, are unable to tell it's a joke. I might have self talk like Jerry Stiller on Seinfeld which I can tell is a joke, but can be damaging if my subconcious thinks that I am really yelling at myself "TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE! SERENITY NOW!"

This morning the first time I got up I thought to myself, as I would to a sweet foster child I would adopt, "are you ready to get up yet? Do you want to sleep a little longer? Ok. you need your rest" and then later when I woke up again I said "Do you think you are ready to get up now? We've got alot to get done today. Maybe we can get some lunch at Leanne Chin's to get you on a happy start for the day." and it worked! I got up!

I used to think something like this would not work...like "well If I gave myself the choice to sleep all day then I WOULD sleep all day" but the truth is mentally bullying myself doesn't get me out of bed. I think it sends me back to sleep. Would you rush to get up if you had to hang out with someone who picks on you all day? Nope, and by saying I would treat myself I sent the message that I will have fun today, by thinking "JESUS! IT IS 11AM GET UP ALREADY WILL YOU?" I was sending myself a message that when I wake up I have a day of bullying to look forward to.

So... "Good job Diana! Now why don't we take a shower...then we can go have lunch and get a cappucino, and start making flashcards :) Remember the feeling you would get when you learned about these pieces? That is a feeling you can share with others! This is going to be fun!"

mood: a little anxious

2 comments:

SpiderSolitaire said...

Yay Sailor!
You'll make such a great mom & to prove the point, be expecting 2 small children in the mail ;)

Diana Crabtree said...

I have experience with speaking to a traumitized child- which they will be after traveling across the US in the mail. (and what about the closet child?)