Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Birthday ended well

Thank you you beauties for your sweet comments. Loser captian wasn't the cause of it, he was the straw that broke the camel's back (well he was the second to last straw...the party was the last straw)

The really good news is the whole time I knew I was thinking irrationally. If a schitzophrenic knows that the dancing purple monkeys aren't real, they are much more likely to be healed. I knew my thinking was sick. Since the therapist suggested I increase my medication dosage I took an extra pill today. I know this is safe because the dosage I was taking is only a starter dosage, most people take more in the first place. I took it so I would have the energy to make a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and make it through the birthday party without ruining all of my friend's time (my friends threw me a party- and I am depressed- obviously the depression is chemical, not environmental.) I asked my sister Linda to stop at a coffee shop, where I got a strong drink. I was back to humanity in 45 minutes (Linda and my friend Carrie were so good to me! Linda was supportive, Carrie said, "you can be in your black hole if you want" which made me laugh and take it all less seriously.)

And thats the other good news, I have had the courage to show my sickness to my friends. For years I have hidden it (Linda grew up with me, so she saw more of it, but I still tried to hide it) Today I finally showed them the ugliest truth, and I am so glad I did.

At the party my friend's 5 year old son made a "pin the Diana to the airplane and the parachute" which was alot of laughs. Linda and I had burritos, and there were nachos at the party, and then the 5 year old had made me an ice cream cake :) Linda and I played connect four with the 5 year old, and watched his wheels turn as we went over strategy. And when he went to bed we drank daquris (not willing to spell it right) and played a card game from college called "Pit"

I feel sick as hell- but fortunately its a fun kind of sick.

Thanks again y'all

mood: gluttonous

29 comments:

B said...

Glad you got better! Yay Diana!

Satan said...

ditto

Diana Crabtree said...

Thank you B, you are such a great cheerleader!

And thanks Satan- this is sweet, but thank goodness a little more satanic than your last comment on my site. The prior comment was so beautiful that I really felt inspired to see the light at the end of the tunnel. ;)

I am glad to see your team won :)

Satan said...

Unfortunately the last comment was Alan Ball not me. He is one of the greatest screen writers ever! I felt it was fitting though!

The celibrations over the team didn't last very long. I got a call from a mate this morning, thinking it was because we'd won I started singing Liverpool songs to him until he cut me off by telling me one of my best friends Mum committed suicide last night. I really hope my friends alright, she's very sweet and always leads with the heart, this is going to screw her up royally. *sigh* I think I'll go back and re-read that post again...

I am really happy you're OK though!! When your down, make sure you talk to someone : )

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh my god! I am really sorry. Does your friend live in the same city?

I'm so sorry! :(

Satan said...

Yeah, but her Mum lived in Melbourne which is about 700km (440 miles, I think) away. I assume they're travelling as I can't get in touch with them... I just really hope she's OK.

Diana Crabtree said...

That stinks that you cant get a hold of her. Man that sucks so bad. Ouch.

It is good that you live in the same city because you can be there with her. Cooking for someone can help alot during grieving, even if they want to be alone.

I hate that feeling of not knowing what to do to help someone you care about.

Satan said...

You're absolutely right, it's the little things that help. I think this'll be a long process though, there's a lot of back story with her dad n stuff : (.

Her partners a top-notch guy so that'll help too, I always joke that he's a hooker with a heart of gold (he's just a little naughty, not a real hooker). He can be a little funny about asking for help though, going to have to drill into his brain that we're always there.

Oh well, I'm sure I'll hear something soon enough. mmm... Until then I think I take your cooking tip and go and get some lunch. I think, all red foods today, to remind me how brilliantly the scousers played this morning. CHAMPi... *rolls eyes* nah can't be bothered...

Diana Crabtree said...

I think it's okay to still celebrate if you can :)

Diana Crabtree said...

And Satan, knowing how you are to anonymous people on the internet I bet your friend and her partner are lucky to have friends like you, whether they are good at expressing it or not :)

Satan said...

Bwahahhhahhaaaa

Nah, I'm a real prick!!
I can only be bothered to be nice, in a cynical way, to strangers ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

Ok, I am going to pretend to be convinced...I certianly would not want to anger the lord of the underworld with my skepticism!

Satan said...

Yeah, Don't make me angry...

Diana Crabtree said...

LMAO!!!!!

Don't you mean "I've never smited a mortal, just don't make me mad"

Satan said...

Hehehe

Yeah, well no, but yeah!

I living goddess, such as yourself, has to admit that there is nothing better than smiting a mortal. Particularly those idiots who try to send text messages "I'll meet you at the blah in 2mins, etc" whilst walking down the street. There should be laws allowing us to push their doddering asses under traffic.

Satan said...

I call it being e-grossed

Diana Crabtree said...

Please tell me how you know I am a goddess. I know as Satan you are granted a bunch of extra information but I am a bit concerned about security, so if you are aware of ways that mortals can tell I am a goddess, please let me know so I may maintian my anonymity.

That said, I have an ugly confession to make. I don't do the text message thing, but I have...more than once...talked on the phone in a store.

I can feel my lameness every moment of it, but the novelty overtakes me, I have resisted for so long, now I am having cell-phone backlash.

go ahead...smite me. If you don't, your dad will

Satan said...

Heeey now, your security along with your anonymity is fine - I have know idea who the Hell you are... only that you have a voice like a wind-chime. Now that sounds far to nice to be a voice of a mere human.

Being e-grossed in a store is fine, as long as you're not in the middle of a walkway - that's not lame, it's annoying that it causes you (anyone) to swerve all over the place so that I have to push you onto the ground and hear your high pitched scream as I step on your throat... that scream hurts my ears. Now, talking in the movies will cause me to go really apocalyptic on your ass.

PS. I have a toffee apple, it is red...

Diana Crabtree said...

No, my scream would not hurt your ears, it would bring you up when you are down. Don't underestimate the power of my sparkly noises...even in a theater!

By the way, I have that post printed and have a framed copy of it in every room in my apartment (and also in my storage locker, amongst many unassembled shelves)

Satan said...

sparkly noises... that's a euphemism for... *whoa* bring you up when you are down *blush*

And... you've post printed and framed my toffee apple? that's a little weird *grin*

Diana Crabtree said...

I have framed the post that spider wrote (not literally, but you know)

Yeah, so this red toffee apple thing...that is either an obscure cultural reference that either proves my coolness if I understand it, or my mediocrity if I don't...

OR! It's today's Australian eco-friendly wardrobe choice!

Satan said...

I knew you meant Spidey's post - I'm just being silly.

No, you're cool, I'm being an idiot, the toffee apple is just a candy, *innocent child-like voice* but it's red, like Liverpool. Liverpool are neat :)

LMAO Yes, I'm currently wearing 493 toffee apples. I smell nice.

Diana Crabtree said...

You saw the toffee apple on your desk, and got excited because it reminded you of your favorite football team who just won?

And no need to apologize- you weren't that far off base, in addition to the windchime voice post I have the toffee apple framed. (not the actual apple...a photo)

Satan said...

I've got to run - but no, I bought the toffee apple because it reminded me of the football team. Sports are for children, so that's how I treat them...

I'll catch you later - Stay cool O goddess ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

Bye. Hope your friend is okay.

(and that you see lots of red things that make you happy)

Anonymous said...

You are a formidable writer. I've read your entire blog, and I have to say that you are a lot more together than you give yourself credit for... you sound like an introspective and analytical woman with a very deep well of emotion.... I'm wishing the very best for you.

Regards

Richard

Satan said...

How much did you pay this Richard character?? *grin*

My friends sound really distraught, it's still all a bit surreal for them. But, they're alive.

Thanks for your concern yesterday! : )

Drake said...

Hey Diana!

I'm glad things went better for you than expected.

And yes, it is a relief not to have to hide your illness. All of my friends and co-workers know of mine - I guess it's rather impossible to hide really!

Best wishes to you and keep on blogging! Drake

Diana Crabtree said...

I didn't pay Richard but I am willing to! Thanks Richard!

Satan, again I feel so bad to know about your friends, but I am so glad they have a support system, especially someone sensitive to all that is involved. Keep me up to date :)

Thanks Drake! I agree, it's a relief and who are we fooling really? I used to not call my friends or ever go out unless I was in a really good mood. Surprise surprise I didn't see them very much! I am so glad they are there for me!