Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Risperdal tapering, day 5

I shouldn't be writing this right now, I have to get ready for work. It's 2:30PM, I have been taking a nap since noon. I guess I am really tired after getting little sleep for the last 3 days. I am curious if the Risperdal tapering is part of it too.

Last night I had the greatest reward for tapering the risperdal, my sex drive is coming back, and I was able to accomplish sensations and intensity with my hand that since being on risperdal I could only accomplish with a vibrator, and to a much lesser degree. I am so grateful to have that back.

And I have a theory. Right now I am baby crazy, I mean baby crazy. In my head I even thought "I can commit to a baby, but I am not sure I can commit to a man, maybe I should adopt without a man." Today I was looking at a gossip site, and in seeing these pictures of Zahata Jolie Pitt, I just filled with happiness. I was so happy to see that little girl smile. My theory is: Risperdal has raised my prolactin, causing my breasts to produce milk. I am sure the prolactin hormone makes a woman want to bond with a child, so I am HUNGRY to bond with a hormones are telling me to!

It makes sense. This year I became baby crazy. When I started this blog I was convinced I would be a bad mother because of my upbringing, my therapist intensly disabused me of that notion, and once I opened my mind to having children, I was able to see how much I wanted them. I also was in a relationship with a man I loved, so I could picture having kids, and I havent gotten the idea of myself as a mother out of my head. Well, all of this happened to happen when I was taking Risperdal, and my prolactin levels were increased. Hmm. Plus lets not forget the ticking clock.

Well off to get ready, I only have 20 minutes now, oops!

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