Lonely

I just went on a date with the man I will call Sadiq. He's so cute, so affectionate, so nice, but I am finding it hard to connect with him. He invited me up to his apartment today, but I will see him tomorrow (and I'm tired) so I decided not to go. The moment was uncomfortable, so I decided to call him and talk to him as I drove home.

It is too difficult to get him to say much. The things I can finally draw out of him arent very detailed anyway.

I am tired as fuck. I am going to bed now instead of moping.

I keep thinking about Charles, I feel as if I already married him, but I forget, he left me looking like an absolute fool for 5 months. I am holding on to something that wasn't the real thing. He claims he made a mistake and can learn from it but some mistakes you cant make if your really invested in a relationship.

I swear I wont die alone. I will find someone. Sadiq is proof. He is showing me that I can get near perfection. If I can get near perfection like him, then I am doing okay. God he is good looking.