Saturday, June 16, 2007

Day one of reduced risperdal dose

Day one has gone ok so far. I was supposed to cut down to a half dose, but instead I slept with no dose, I cut the pills but forgot to take them. I woke up a few times this morning, but the upside to that is it wasn't hard to get up. I took the pills once I noticed I missed them.

I do feel different, in some ways better. I feel more tense for sure, but I also feel more emotional. When I was recounting the story about crying when the orphans were singing, I wanted to cry again. Being emotional might be uncomfortable, but the ability to cry is good, and maybe getting off risperdal will help with that.

I'm going to make an effort to try to lose weight, since risperdal makes you gain weight. I am hopeful that will be a bright spot in the sadness of losing risperdal. I am also excited to get my sex drive back! Especially with Saddiq in my life.

One thing I am concerned about is my teeth are clenching more, I am going to have to use my night guard now I think.

I have made some rules for myself to transition getting off of risperdal. I am no longer going to allow myself any "self improvement." The desire to "improve" myself just suggests I am not good enough. For now on, anytime I feel the urge to "improve" myself I am going to just say "You are good enough as you are." Then eating well, cleaning, excercising, will just be things that make me happy, gifts to myself, not dues that I have to pay to be acceptable. I am going to dedicate my time to making myself happy and healthy, helping others, practicing good morals, and taking care of myself will all make me happy and healthy, a better way to look at them than the only things that can redeem a slouch like me.

I have more on the scrap of paper I wrote this post on, but I am too tired to go on. I may update this tomorrow.

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