I just got another e-mail from my 60 year old. He sent me a picture. He looks adorable, and 60. He's wearing 60 year old person's clothes and 60 year old person's sunglasses. Yet, I find myself crushing on him still.
One thing that should stop me, since (for some REDICULOUS reason) the fact that he IS SIXTY hasn't stopped me, is he is Catholic. Catholics end up with Catholics in the end and I would never, ever, convert to Catholicism. Maybe I would try to, but the priest would see right through me. He (never she) would know I wasn't one of them by the look in my eyes when he'd say "Jesus is good- all other religions ARE DOOMED TO HELL! FEAR GOD! FEAR JESUS! FEAR ME! BWAH HA HA HA!" (<----thats the sort of thing that Catholic priests say, right?)
And of course, there is the sex thing, but he used to teach martial arts, so he could be in good enough shape that it still works (and that he is healthy enough that he could get "medical assistance" if necessary) And I have been reading about it, and it seems that men that age still have sex (and did you know that women just get more and more horny as they age??? Poor me! I will be a monster!) But again, he is Catholic, so even if it works, he might not believe in using it.
But those rational arguements aside, I just think- well duh!- that it is peculiar that I have a crush on such an old-ass guy. So what could the reason be? The first one is very easy- "Daddy Issues" I got 'em. I have lost a father figure in my life, because my dad's depression and anxiety have led him to bad choices, so he is not a role-model to me, and our strong bond broke during the 13 years he was constantly drunk. My crush appears to be responsible and healthy- a perfect father figure.
This leads to issue number 2- security. He is 60 years old, he is fully formed. I don't have to wonder if he will end up a screw up, I think "what you see is what you get" with someone at that age. He has his life together, so I would not have to go through the phase where we eat ramen noodles while we struggle and work too many hours to pay the mortgage for the too-big house we bought and are now stuck with because the market is so bad. Also, naively, I feel that he'd be less likely to cheat on me, but that has more to do with his personality than his age...he just seems to be a warm, kind person.
And then there is reason number 3...I am too damn old for my age. I am a fucking weirdo. Remember New-York-Name-Dropper-Man? Well I was 24 and he turned out to be 49 (lied and said he was 42) He was the first time I had entertained the idea of an older man, I just felt a connection with him that I had never felt with a man of my age. I felt like he understood me. I have had a weird life, so how can I find someone who understands me? Someone a little older has had more experiences, and hopefully more wisdom. And the demeanor that my crush has, appears wise.
Oh, and reason number 4. I'm lonely, and I felt nice when I talked to him. You know who else I felt nice when I talked to him? Charles. They both have "The Buddha Nature" it's this calm, serene thing that puts me at ease. (And I know it's weird, but I got turned on when my crush was asking me out! WEIRD!)
Funny thing is, I don't think my friends would judge me. I think they would say "Thats Diana for you" and discuss it behind my back (thats what we do, but not in a bad way.) They have already said they picture me ending up with an older man, but when they said "older" I dont think they meant "older than our fathers"
If I am not thinking about my age, I am just getting such a crush. We will see each other at the beginning of November, so I can see how the people stare, and see if I have the guts to deal with it. My question is...why doesn't he think it's weird???