Thursday, October 25, 2007


It's about 2:30 AM. My insomnia makes sense right now, because I have been staying up so late recently, but I am tossing and turning here at the hotel. I came downstairs because I thought writing out what is on my mind might help, but there is a REALLY annoying REALLY flamboyant guy in the room. He reminds me of my old roommate, and he's loud, and annoying, so I am not feeling more calm.

Here's what's stressing me, I was reading craigslist for fun, and this guy was writing about how women are shallow and wont date him because he's disabled. I wrote him a compassionate note with suggestions (including dont look for dates on Craigslist) and for some reason I kept the conversation going.

I think it's for the same reason I like to meet people from different countries and social groups, I thought it would be interesting to meet a disabled person and if their cool, be friends. But why didn't I think of the complications???

I'm a woman, he's a desperately horny man. I can't be positive but I think I have seen a few ad's from him and he sounded desperate. So now I am meeting him, with a normal (hopefully) attitude about meeting someone, but he is coming in eager, with little experience (I imagine) and he is going to have no game and I am going to be annoyed and never want to hang out with him again.

Swear to god, I could fall in love with a guy in a wheelchair, if he was completely normal mentally. But how "normal" mentally can you be if you have spent your whole life being so different? I just want to have coffee and talk about music, and maybe even physical therapy. But he has already showered me with compliments over the e-mail, and it makes me very uncomfortable. Not because he's in a wheelchair, because he's coming on too strong.

I want to take away everyone's pain. I have pity dated people before, just trying to boost them up, and sometimes it really worked, but at my expense. I am having major anxiety about this, and I have learned in life that it's important to follow my instincts.

So what do I do? I will for sure workout before meeting him, because it will make me calmer. But what do I do to calm myself tonight? Generalized Anxiety disorder is a bitch, and I think even though the risperdal made me gain weight, I will gain just as much weight from the extra anxiety without it.

Can't win.

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