Sunday, October 28, 2007

Fantasy and Curiosity

I have acted out a number of my sexual fantasies before. Most of the time the fantasy was better than reality. I think that in most cases, unless it's with your long-term partner, fantasies are best left as fantasies.

My older man fantasy was going to remain that way, I was never going to go out looking for it, but "60 year old" presented himself, and this is one fantasy that can only be fulfilled as a young woman, because the whole appeal of the fantasy is the power dynamic between a younger beautiful woman, and an older, more dominant man. I can be with an old man when I'm old, but at that point the dynamic will be different, so it can only be fulfilled when I am young, (and I wont be considered young for very much longer!)

As I have written before, I have a genuine crush on 60 year old. He has a very peaceful aura around him, much like Charles. I addressed the Multi level marketing scheme he is involved with, and it turns out he is only wasting $25 a month, and he signed up to help his friend. I don't agree with it, but I don't think he's a sucker, like I thought before. We have chatted on the phone now twice, and while I am over the idea of a relationship (he's a republican, Catholic, and did I mention SIXTY???) I still would want to fulfill my older man fantasy with him.

I brought it up last night, I asked him if he was morally against sex without love, and he said "I do not have casual sex" I took this as him being unwilling, but then he said some other things that made me think I sparked his interest. Then, today, I worded it differently. I told him about my fantasy, but pointed out that I wouldn't go out looking for it, and I wouldn't want to be tempting him into something that felt immoral to him. He sounded intrigued, and pleased, but I am not certian it will happen. I think if it does happen, he is a good person for it to happen with. I think that if I were older, I would really want to date him, even though he is Republican.

One fantasy that wont be happening is with a guy in a wheelchair. OK, that's never been a fantasy, more of a curiosity of what it would be like. It started when I was studying Physical Therapy, I wondered "what would I do if a client liked me?" at the time I think I was too uncomfortable with myself to consider dating someone in a wheelchair, but as I have aged and become wiser to what matters, I can say if I could find what I am looking for in a man, and his penis worked, I could happily fall in love with a guy in a wheelchair. Isn't that funny? A working penis is more important to me than working legs! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I met the wheelchair guy yesterday. He was better than I expected personality wise, but not attractive to me at all. He has Muscular Dystrophy, and he is very skinny, cant move his hands, and has a ventilator in his neck. His personality was not what I want really anyway, he talked about himself too much, but even if he had that buddha like personality that I want, I don't think I would want to go forward with it. I learned from my relationship with Charles that sex and sexual attraction is very high in importance, so I couldn't go forward with it, even if his personality was what I am looking for.

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