This is the second, or third night that I am up worrying, regarding Wheelchair Dude. The first and second time I was worried he might like me. I wrote him an honest e-mail telling him I wasn't physically attracted to him, and his response said he was just fine with it, but he is coming on very strong, saying we'll be friends forever and being way "too much."
I really want to be his friend. He is a person who was born with a degenerative disease, likely will not live another decade, and chose to leave his comfortable home where he was taken care of by his parents and start a business. I, for one, am pretty impressed and pretty inspired by that. But I am afraid that he will be hurt. And I suppose it's disrespectful to think of him as vulnerable when he is an adult just like me, but on the other hand there is no question that a person who was disabled since a young child is going to have a different experience than me, so I just fear that---
You know what, it's not him I'm worried about, it's me...I am getting red flags, left and right about him. If he weren't handicapped I would run for the hills from him. Not out of fear of physical harm, but of his terrible boundaries. I am having anxiety about him because his boundaries are terrible, and he wants to suck me into his life and fill the hole of loneliness with me. It's clear as day.
So what is the best move? Run for the hills or tell him "Dude! When you are all clingy and shit, people don't like that" I already did that a little. He wrote me something about how "we owe it to ourselves to lay it all on the table" and I said "uh...thats not healthy, I learned that in therapy and, you should like, go there" (paraphrasing)
I think that's what I'll do. I will spell out my boundaries and if he crosses them I'll say "I don't want to be your friend because of this, this, and this. I imagine most people don't like that, so you shouldn't do that, that has nothing to do with your wheelchair."
And may I say one thing about this dude. He wants a "normal" woman to be attracted to him. I guess we all want that, but he wrote on a craigslist ad that women are shallow. Well he doesn't have disabled friends, nor does he date disabled people, so give me a break. Who's shallow?
Uh, I feel so much better having written this. Some people just have a vibe that puts me at ease, this guy has a vibe that makes me tense. Thats the energy sucker vibe. The bad boundaries vibe. My instincts are very good. They only fail me when I try to overrule them with my mind. I don't think this is going to end well. Well, maybe it will, but it wont if I don't assert my boundaries strongly.