Charles is just letting me slip away. He is passively apoligizing "that I am frustrated" but isn't changing anything! He knows he might lose me but has sent me hardly an e-mail in response.
Oh my god, I cant believe it, we might break up! Not just might. I think we are going to break up. Oh my god.
I can't cry. I have this "strong" switch in me that is not helpful. I am numb to my feelings about it, which means I am just freezing up, and not allowing myself to mourn (or to give him another chance, for that matter.)
He is, in so many ways, the one for me. He is so much the one for me that I have been able to overlook the fact that I am not that physically attracted to him. He is attractive. Beautiful in fact. When laying in bed I just love to stare at his mouth. I wish so much I could put Charles' personality into another man's body. Well, not all of his personality. I would like to not include the part that puts me on the backburner.
There is no other answer. I really have to break up with him. That hurts. Its not just losing him that hurts, it's hurting him. He's my baby. And it will not feel good to go back to a life without cuddling :( He was the best cuddler in the world.
I have to do it. Him putting me on the backburner was a good thing, because if it didn't happen we may have gotten married in a year or two. You can't marry someone you don't have chemistry with. You just cant.
Oh shit. I can't believe this. I wish he was the one, because he felt like the one. But he's not.
I am so ready to settle down and get married. I am tired of being single. I loved having a boyfriend. I want babies and a house. This sucks.