Thursday, August 11, 2005

Maybe it's because I am a Lesbian

I have a sexy neighbor. He helped me carry things up when I moved in. He has invited me in passing to a neighborhood bar, I said "not tonight" out of shyness. He and his friend in passing invited a friend and I to hang out, we stopped up but didn't stay because we had other plans.

I felt a chemistry between us and hoped that one day we could hang out and that something may happen, so I was pleased any time we ran into each other. One day I saw the dome light on in his car and felt like the universe was smiling upon me. I checked my hair in the mirror and as casually as I could appear, knocked on the door. A hyperactive brunette with huge knockers answered the door.

Hot neighbor, like the rest of them, has a girlfriend. What do I do? Like a normal person smile cattily when we pass in the halls? Of course not, I end up becoming friends with her. This has happened tons of times. I meet a guy I want and think seeds are planted. When he ends up having or getting a girlfriend I end up liking her and he becomes invisible.

I saw her and him coming down the stairs today and said to her "ooh I've got something for you" and when he came down I said "oh hey" OH HEY? How rude am I? I knew him first! No, him and I didn't bond and giggle over thrift store finds but I could be a little friendlier.

So what gives? Where does this behavior come from? I have a few guesses. "Keep the enemy close" is not the answer, or at least not 100% because I genuinely like the girls, otherwise I wouldn't become friends with them. I almost guess it's a jealousy killer. If I get to like her then I won't want him anymore, because you can't like your friend's boyfriend. That's why he becomes invisible, I have to turn off all feelings and the only way to do that is pretend he doesn't exist. It's also some strange way to say "I'm okay with it" which is reasonable if he is your friend, but weird if its a near stranger.

It's weird behavior, and I actually feel a little icky as I get to thinking about it. It doesn't seem nice. It seems like a game and I don't like that. I have similar behavior with friend's boyfriends, I either have an underlying hostility with them or I flirt with them. Flirting is the only way I am able to communicate with men, so I act hostile if I like them becuase I am worried she will think I am trying to steal them, or worse, he will.

I think whatever the reason I do it I need to learn how to be friends with a man without flirtation, I am getting better at it, I have even made some good guy friends, but I still would want more if they didn't have someone. The only male friend I don't feel that way about is Earl, who I am not even sure I want to be friends with. Besides, although I wouldn't date him, I would certainly [want to] do him.

mood: minus the unflattering self-examination, Im good

169 comments:

Satan said...

I still say steal the girlfriend.

Diana Crabtree said...

LOL I would be such a good lesbian- I don't do a very good job as a straight girl

Satan said...

I would like to imagine that you'd be a great lesbian.

Can I hold the Camera

Diana Crabtree said...

the words "would be" implies its a hypothetical statement

Satan said...

LMAO - Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sorry had to work briefly there.

Diana Crabtree said...

Youv'e got a lot of nerve, working. Your so selfish.

Satan said...

I'll stop now : )

Diana Crabtree said...

Now I feel like the devil

Satan said...

Well, you are, aren't you?

Diana Crabtree said...

I am the nicest girl in the universe. Seriously.

Satan said...

I agree, you are the naughtiest girl in the universe.

Diana Crabtree said...

I just got a hit from Chang Mai, Australia. There is no such thing is there? What about Wagga Wagga? I could say that a thousand times and it would still make me laugh.

Satan said...

My sister used to live in Wagga Wagga. It's the largest in-land Oz city. Never heard of Chang Mai, but I bet there is one. Chinese imigration was huge during the gold rush.

Satan said...

Chang Mai is in Thailand! it's routing through Oz.

Diana Crabtree said...

Well we have a Paris, Texas, so why not a Chang Mai, Australia?

Wagga Wagga ROTFLMAO!

BTW I know its in thiland. Because I am so educated. no, because there is a "Chang Mai Thai" near my house :)

Satan said...

Because I looked it up - there is no Chang Mai, Australia. I love the music for the film Paris Texas.

Wagga Wagga is not the weirdest name for a town we have here. It's actually quite tame. : )

You're very educated... about your local take-aways.

Diana Crabtree said...

I am no one to talk about local aboriginal names. Nearly every city within our 4 states have Indian names. We have a river that's is so long and so hard to spell there is a song to remember how.

Wagga Wagga just makes me smile.

Still havent seen Paris, Texas, I cancelled my Blockbuster membership becuase I was sick of the cute movie nerd boys knowing I am a hermit

Satan said...

Yes, I remember the post... you're a strange, strange, but lovely, girl.

I thought that with a middle name like yours you could rattle of Indian names as though they were picture book titles.

Diana Crabtree said...

Strange? Who me?

I would start naming off hard to pronounce city and lake names, but I don't want to give away my location.

I am 0% native. You would know if you saw my skin in the summertime

Diana Crabtree said...

Do you think I am strange for being a hermit or for hiding it?

Satan said...

Definately hiding it! I think you're totally cool the way you are. Not to mention that you still have friends and deep relationships with people so you're not exactly a hermit now are you?

Diana Crabtree said...

Thank you Satan Dahling. I agree, but becuase I am strange I really need to hear that.

I'm a friendly hermit with deep relationships

Satan said...

Sounds like something to put on your CV.

Diana Crabtree said...

CV?

Satan said...

Ciriculum Vitae, Resume, Portfolio... you know what you take to a job interview.

Diana Crabtree said...

I will do that. "I am a friendly hermit with deep relationships from Pago Pago"

Diana Crabtree said...

Yeah, that sounds quite funny

Satan said...

I'm sure it will impress the big knockered girl from next door anyways : )

Diana Crabtree said...

Sataaaaaaaaaaan

Satan said...

I think that becoming friends with the girls is a way of alleviating some of the stress you feel at not being able to 'pick-up' a guy who you're really attracted to.

Satan said...

I'm such an animal aren't I!?

Diana Crabtree said...

I think thats a great read on it. Except the fact that new friends means more stress to me.

Diana Crabtree said...

Youre an animal. Prrr

Another reason I think I do it is curiosity. I can learn about white kind of woman a man I like likes.

Satan said...

Then maybe it's a 'see! I don't have to feel guilty about wanting to bonk your boyfriend'.

You could always settle who gets to bonk him with a pillow fight. but you'd have to be wearing lingerie.

Satan said...

...white kind of women... *grin* freud would aave a field day...

Diana Crabtree said...

Whatevah. Your saying I dig bigots?

Satan said...

I believe I should have posted that last comment as fluffy. I was just kidding around. You know me, always the fool.

Satan said...

Are you feeling a little down today, or is my satan radar way off?

Diana Crabtree said...

The pillow fight would have been perfect from fluffy.

You are absoulutely (I mean fluffy is) absolutely right about the guilt thing. There is some big-time guilt going on in that nutty dynamic. And why? Wanting to do her boyfriend is a compliment!

Diana Crabtree said...

WEIRD! My friend JUST (as in 10 minutes ago) said the same thing! I don't think I'm down, but maybe I am

My guess is it's the new drug?

Diana Crabtree said...

Or maybe I am always down, and now that I have the drug I feel no need to compensate for it

Satan said...

I think she would see it as a threat, but you didn't know he was taken when you flirted with him the first time. He sounded 'interested'.

Diana Crabtree said...

And now I am making you down by being all dramatical about it

Satan said...

Down might be the wrong word, I think muted could be a better description.

Satan said...

Get real, Me down! You'd need a freak'n tranquilizer gun.

Diana Crabtree said...

I dont think they were together when I first met him- if she asks I will tell the truth though

Diana Crabtree said...

She said I sounded "cool"

Sorry I am muted :( I have had a long few weeks, and I did alot of biking this week, I could just be worn out :(

Satan said...

That's OK, if said in the right way... As in, when I first met him I thought he was really cute. Or something : )

Satan said...

Nothing dramatic about that, just makes sense to me. How did your tour go?

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FluffyBunnyCakes said...

Or you could tell her...

Everytime I see you leave the building I sneak over to your door and start licking it. It really turns your boyfriend on!

Diana Crabtree said...

it went great, it was 4 & 5 year olds, I was in late-twenties-woman-heaven

I was horribly unprepared, but I want to quit less and less each tour (that is AFTER the tour- beforehand I want to quit more and more)

Satan said...

that sounds like so much fun and so much pain all in one hit. How many kids?

Some times being unprepared with kids can work OK, it's no longer a lesson it's an interaction. Other times... Oh mercy!

Diana Crabtree said...

Fluffy, I already said I would tell her the truth, so I will tell her I do that (I am not sure if it turns him on)

FluffyBunnyCakes said...

It turns me on! How 'bout that pillow fight, Shweet heart?

Diana Crabtree said...

AHA! I thought of something. I have cut my caffiene consumption DRAMATICALLY since starting the new drug.

Last time I quit coffee, I became quite popular, becuase I wasnt so hyper and bubbly

Satan said...

*Satan steps on Fluffy's neck*

I'm not really in the mood for Fluffy's bullshit today. : )

Satan said...

*Look of comprehension dawns across Satan's face*

Smart girl, that's a fairly big change to diet right there!

Diana Crabtree said...

All of our tours are supposed to be interactions. Maybe "structured interactions"

There were six of them and they were great. They werent perfectly behaved but perfectly behaved 4 year olds worry me a bit

It was so cute. When they walked around the corner holding their "buddy's" hands I melted to the floor. They are damn cute

Did I mention cute?

FluffyBunnyCakes said...

*Struggling under satan's foot*

Cute like me?

Get off me ya fat turd! Ya dumb-arse I'm jus' joking around.

Diana Crabtree said...

Yours and "Carrie's" observations are a little off-putting to me. What if my whole personality changes? Oy Vey!

Satan said...

Yeah, that's really precious. A small group like that would be fun. As long as you can send them home at the end.

Diana Crabtree said...

Fluffy, you are cute (to look at)

Satan, how sweet you are to step on a baby bunny for me :) Awwww

Satan said...

You're Jewish now?

No, you've just had a break through in realising it's actually an aclimitisation to caffine . And now instead of worrying about it being something 'Mental' now you're going to worry about it being something else. You are who you are, whatever your coffee intake. I just noticed you were a 'little' (emphasis) subdued tonight.

Diana Crabtree said...

Well I wanted to take one home with me (at the end we were pretending to be the artwork) AWWWWWWWWW

But yeah, I enjoy my moments of no-responsibility

Satan said...

All part of the service *tips hat - squishes harder*

Satan said...

Which artwork?

Diana Crabtree said...

The fact that I am worrying is proof that I am definately myself ROTFLMAO!

Satan said...

Ha ha ha! That's fucking hilarious!

Diana Crabtree said...

With a name like Minerva Pocahontas Tsmanian Blackbutt you didn't know I am Jewish?

Satan said...

I had my suspiscions, but I thought it might be your bollywood stage name. *Grin*

Diana Crabtree said...

No i am not Jewish. I used to say "Oye" alot, a charming expression of exasperation by a woman named Cristal in Mexico.

Then when I started talking to Batman, and he kept bringing up how awful it was that I wasn't Jewish, I started saying Oy Vey to myself and it stuck. Thats one way the beautiful blonde and I bonded- she says it too, and shes a shiksa too!

Satan said...

Batman - He was always thinking of Robin anyway...

shiksa?

Diana Crabtree said...

I may have spelled it wrong. A non-Jewish temptress I think.

Satan said...

Temptress - *Smile* You? never!

Satan said...

You really are getting nailed by a lot of spam... worst I've ever seen. Where's it coming from?

Diana Crabtree said...

I'm no temptress, I'm a prude, I'm serious

Diana Crabtree said...

I think from "Bush indictment" I am like number one on technorati if you type that in (I am getting so many hit's its not pissing me off too much)

But isn't that weird? It happened so suddenly!

Satan said...

I know, you're a very good women of high moral character. I just like teasing you. I think it's safe to do so from over here, so I do ; )

Satan said...

Wow, really... maybe I should have not posted about drunkard behaviour and posted about bush indictments. Hang on... maybe I'll just slip it in at the end...

Satan said...

I think you're tempting BTW. Hehehehehe

Diana Crabtree said...

Tee hee hee

I wasn't saying being prudish is "high moral character" in fact I wish I was less prudish.

I have just been noticing lately that I am a prude compared to alot of people, and that sortof shocks me

Satan said...

You've been watching too many Gangsta Rap videos... trust me, no-one should be that lascivious. I still think your of high moral character.

Diana Crabtree said...

If you want hits, find the top topic on technorati and post on it, and say the topic 3 or so times. Be sure to include a link to technorati's search of that topic. It was an accident on my part but I have gotten 200 hits a day the last 2 days!

Satan said...

I watched Sin City last night, really well made film but Oh My God! It would rankor against every feminist bone in your body.

Diana Crabtree said...

Well also working in an airline I guess. Slutty slutty slutty (and the Flight attendants get around too)

I'm sort of jealous. I want to have the courage to sleep with someone I work with without dating them.

Satan said...

But I might get more questions and it's hard enough as it is to answer the ones I've got. I'd need to contract some demons if I did that : )

Satan said...

We do a lot of work around the Blog together ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

I think "high moral character" is about morals, not sexuality. You can be immoral and celibate and highly moral and a huge tramp

Diana Crabtree said...

Well you already know what my "high moral character" keeps me from doing to you

Satan said...

I think the first is true, don't know about the second.

Satan said...

*blush* Awwwww, drat!

Diana Crabtree said...

maybe you could start a franchise

Satan said...

What? In immoral behaviour : )

Diana Crabtree said...

What is the moral problem with sleeping with a thousand people if you lie to and hurt no-one? None. I think it may not be very healthy, but that is not a moral issue, that is a health issue

Satan said...

Point taken - Condoms for everyone LMAO.

Diana Crabtree said...

LOL, I meant in "ask-a-belezebubb"

Diana Crabtree said...

I'm a little touchy on that subject. in puritan US alot of people equate sexual activity with immorality. It is really abnoxious

FluffyBunnyCakes said...

Don't get Satan started... He was watching half-naked girls in lingerie play with big weapons last night.

Satan said...

Shut-up bunny boy. *punch*

We have the same problem with puritanical thought over hear.

Diana Crabtree said...

No he wasn't. he was hallucinating from the absinthe

Satan said...

hear? here!

Satan said...

*Smirk* No, actually I was... I don't think there was one girl dress beyond her knickers in Sin City. Nice to look at, shame about the message it sends to young guys.

Diana Crabtree said...

Hillsong?

Satan said...

Hillsong? Puritans - Yes absolutely, but it's more diverse than that. It's typical I think for societies to say 'Don't enjoy sex' as a way to try and manage teenage sexuality. I guess 'girlie mags' are changing all that. It's a shame that boys aren't being educated in the same way. We're all still 'Wham, Bam, Thankyou Maam!'.

Satan said...

Hillsong? Sin City... I bet you they are. What with all those 'Camps' they have. Hehehe

Diana Crabtree said...

Girlie magazines- those are new

Diana Crabtree said...

Satan?

Satan said...

No... they've been around since the late-eighties (I'm just an old fart). But 15-20 years is not a long time to change a cultural perspective. I think it's taking really root now, but unfortunately with it young men appear to be losing their respect for women. Women really should be allowed to be sexually free (to whatever extent they want) without guys saying 'what a slut, she's easy'.

*Old man voice* These youth of today just have no respect....

Satan said...

Yes?

Satan said...

taking really root... Ha ha

really taking root... that still sounds naughty ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

ROTFLMAO

I agree, its become socially acceptable for men to have casual sex but not for women yet. So who are they to have casual sex with then pray tell?

Satan said...

You!

Satan said...

Actually they're not, but they're definately telling their mates they are : )

Diana Crabtree said...

Well there is the other side of the equation. Lets say a girl has a feminist streak in her youth where she wants all the fun guys get. What happens is she learns how to hate them instead.

Diana Crabtree said...

LOL

Satan said...

That's how it usually happens isn't it. There are some women who say, I don't care what you think I'll be with whoever I want, whenever. Then they start to hate guys as they tear the girl down for it. Really it's just jealously (hey are we coming full cirlce on topic here) as there are those guys who are never going to get any action. And don't they hate it!

Satan said...

I am such a typical bloke ... Why is Jessica Alba just so damn cute?

Diana Crabtree said...

But its even more paradoxical

The guys getting it are that way too

Its a shame for all you men, becuase the free girls quit being free, and I dont think it has to be that way

Diana Crabtree said...

She is damn cute

Satan said...

Well, most young guys don't want to be an individual... that's far too scary (why do you think all formal suits are the same but women dresses differ - It makes us feel comfortable). So even the guys who are 'getting some' are like "Yeah, she's such a slut". Idiots.

Satan said...

I know. I know. It just shouldn't be legal for her to be that cute. Usually my taste tends towards something different from a lot of guys, but her, man o man!

Diana Crabtree said...

Well I, for one, have decided to flick off all of them and am going the old fashioned route.

But its confusing to switch things around like that

Diana Crabtree said...

I say sue her!

Satan said...

Ha ha you said 'old fashioned route'

Diana Crabtree said...

OH GOD! Satan!

Satan said...

Yeah I guess with JA I've been hit fairly in the middle of my demographic. Good idea. How dare she make me look at other women, the cliched brat, I'll sue. Definately. I want all sorts of things in compensations ;)

Satan said...

Is that Missionary?

Diana Crabtree said...

She has the mix of sultry and sweet

are you watching sin city agian now?

Satan said...

No, not watching on a screen anyways. Just dreaming...

Diana Crabtree said...

It seemed random. What sparked it? Sex discussion?

Satan said...

I had forgotten her name (as I do with actors all the time)and I image googled Sin-city. Which brought up this photo of her and I thought... damn that's a terrible photo and she's still that damn cute. Shouldn't be allowed.

Diana Crabtree said...

Kiera Knightly too

Satan said...

But you're right... back to topic, I think we were talking about an 'old fashioned route' weren't we.

Satan said...

Actually not much of a kiera knightly fan. More of a Parminder Nagra fan.

Diana Crabtree said...

Prrrr

As you know- South Asians: Most beautiful humans

Diana Crabtree said...

Kiera Knightly has that same "too cute to be legal" smile

Satan said...

Well, not including you.

Satan said...

Hehehe - and WOB of course... Whoops...

Satan said...

I'm such an Ass

Diana Crabtree said...

WOB doesn't count becuase she is super-human

she trancends humanity

Satan said...

Let's not go overboard, OK. She's just as human as the next totally gorgeous, cool, funny, sincere, warm girl.

Gawd, that's you...

Diana Crabtree said...

I was covering your ass

thanks

Satan said...

I know, but an ass is an ass and has no class and doesn't deserve protecting when his ass is grass.

Satan said...

I think I've been staring at the computer screen too long on too little sleep.

Diana Crabtree said...

Look, I don't want none of your sass!

Satan said...

Ha! We're sounding like Dr Suess.

Satan said...

Or is that Suass!

Diana Crabtree said...

the problem is your thinking of Jessica Alba, and not enough blood is reaching your brain.

Satan said...

Ha! I'm not thinking about Jessica Abla *wink*

too far? Hehehee - Where'd I put that rabbit...

Diana Crabtree said...

ah, you and your multiple personalities. So charming

Satan said...

That's not what the girl usually say, it's usually more like:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah aha ahhhhhhhh, who are you, what do you want, I my GOD he's got a KNIFE. Ahhhh Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HELP, HELP ME.

Then there's a strange silence....

Diana Crabtree said...

Well Im not LIKE other girls *pops anti-psychotic medication*

Satan said...

LMAO - You're certainly different. But not in a bad way. : )

Diana Crabtree said...

I was being hilariously funny, not serious,

but guess what, I actually got to use that line on a guy once! felt great!

Satan said...

What was his reaction?

Diana Crabtree said...

It worked, he shut up with the "other girls..."

I was 13, but still

Diana Crabtree said...

Is that line from a movie? It must be

Satan said...

You were taking Meds at 13?

I think I'm missing something here *confused*

Diana Crabtree said...

I said the line alone, the "pops" was in little stars, as in: I popped a anti-psychotic pill while saying "Im not like other girls"

Yeah yeah I am spelling it out for you, but you sound like you really are tired! I think its from all of the cop licking you did last night

Satan said...

Ha! Yeah, and my head hurts from that Head-butt. I really enjoyed writing that story.

...but you were 13? really?

Diana Crabtree said...

Huh? No, I wasn't taking medication at 13 (heaven knows I could have used it!)

I had a boyfriend...he was being an idiot about who knows what and said "other girls...[whatever]"

So I had that beautiful dramatic moment when I said "well I'm not LIKE other girls" and he shut up. It was a very hollywood moment

Diana Crabtree said...

Goodnight sweetie

Satan said...

You said:

Well Im not LIKE other girls *pops anti-psychotic medication*

It worked, he shut up with the "other girls..."

I was 13, but still


I'm so confused. But OK, forgetting my confusion *chuckles*. It does sound like a very funny Hollywood moment, definately worthy (when including the medication taking) of a modern comedy.

Satan said...

Drat!

Good night beautiful. I hope you find your salacious lover somewhere in those dreams of yours.

Diana Crabtree said...

It's a cliche line, I added the *pops medication* for a funny juxtoposition joke

then I mentioned that I had used that line before, but expected, since it is such a cliche line, that you knew the medication popping was not part of the line.

Now do I make sense?

Diana Crabtree said...

Awwww, thanks (its not my dreams I need work on) LOL

Satan said...

Chuckle - Perfect sense... I worked it out in the end.

You sleep well.

Diana Crabtree said...

Goodnight