I have a sexy neighbor. He helped me carry things up when I moved in. He has invited me in passing to a neighborhood bar, I said "not tonight" out of shyness. He and his friend in passing invited a friend and I to hang out, we stopped up but didn't stay because we had other plans.
I felt a chemistry between us and hoped that one day we could hang out and that something may happen, so I was pleased any time we ran into each other. One day I saw the dome light on in his car and felt like the universe was smiling upon me. I checked my hair in the mirror and as casually as I could appear, knocked on the door. A hyperactive brunette with huge knockers answered the door.
Hot neighbor, like the rest of them, has a girlfriend. What do I do? Like a normal person smile cattily when we pass in the halls? Of course not, I end up becoming friends with her. This has happened tons of times. I meet a guy I want and think seeds are planted. When he ends up having or getting a girlfriend I end up liking her and he becomes invisible.
I saw her and him coming down the stairs today and said to her "ooh I've got something for you" and when he came down I said "oh hey" OH HEY? How rude am I? I knew him first! No, him and I didn't bond and giggle over thrift store finds but I could be a little friendlier.
So what gives? Where does this behavior come from? I have a few guesses. "Keep the enemy close" is not the answer, or at least not 100% because I genuinely like the girls, otherwise I wouldn't become friends with them. I almost guess it's a jealousy killer. If I get to like her then I won't want him anymore, because you can't like your friend's boyfriend. That's why he becomes invisible, I have to turn off all feelings and the only way to do that is pretend he doesn't exist. It's also some strange way to say "I'm okay with it" which is reasonable if he is your friend, but weird if its a near stranger.
It's weird behavior, and I actually feel a little icky as I get to thinking about it. It doesn't seem nice. It seems like a game and I don't like that. I have similar behavior with friend's boyfriends, I either have an underlying hostility with them or I flirt with them. Flirting is the only way I am able to communicate with men, so I act hostile if I like them becuase I am worried she will think I am trying to steal them, or worse, he will.
I think whatever the reason I do it I need to learn how to be friends with a man without flirtation, I am getting better at it, I have even made some good guy friends, but I still would want more if they didn't have someone. The only male friend I don't feel that way about is Earl, who I am not even sure I want to be friends with. Besides, although I wouldn't date him, I would certainly [want to] do him.
mood: minus the unflattering self-examination, Im good