30 dollars. 30 dollars a month for medication. I already have the co-pays of the doctor and psychiatrist (high co-pays since it turns out the psychiatrist is out of my network) and 10 dollars a month I could handle, but 30????
Really I am pretty lucky. I have got so much more money now than 2 years ago I can't even believe it. I even get a raise this month. And I am pretty high functioning, which is fortunate for me too, someone who needed an anti-psychotic for say, psychosis might have a much harder time dealing with a $20 copay I need to see the big picture here and know I am fortunate. Maybe thats my problem, I see myself in comparison to the people who were born healthy, instead of looking at how fortunate I am to have health insurance (until the airline figures out a way to take it away) and access to steady care.
My mood is a little not-good right now. I can tell the difference between a normal bad mood and a chemical-imbalance bad mood and this is probably the latter. I took half of the anti-anxiety dose this weekend because I forgot to call my doctor sooner (what's the rush?) and then when I called it was a friday evening, so I had the weekend before they were called in. I think this drug has discontinuation effects (it says not to discontinue without medical supervision) so I blame that on my weird mood. I'm not too wacky right now I think, just a little pouty in a way that is a bit out of character for me.
Poor pharmacist. I said "$20?, I'll just get this one and sell some CD's to get the other one." I know people whine about prices all the time, but can you imagine giving someone an anti-psychotic and they start getting upset? Side note- allow me my psychotic jokes. I know they are insensitive but I am using them to deal with the fact that I am so crazy the run-of-the-mill antidepressant that a third of America takes isn't enough for me. I am in a different category of mental illness. I take an anti-psychotic for bob's sake!
These bad things can serve as reminders of how much good we have. If I wasn't giving $28 this month to Hosna I would have the money to buy what I need right now. But there is no way I would stop, because it helps me see that I am privledged, not a weasely victim I sometimes pretend I am. Now thats sanity.
mood: a little victimy, but improving