Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I am in Milwuakee. I just came in from the pool. My butt remains a little wet, and I imagine I have a soggy dark spot showing through my pants on my rear end. On the way to the pool I heard a woman's voice from the front desk "Diana?" I thought it was the desk clerk, alerting me to something about my room, but I looked over and it was Lorraine!

Instinctively I gregariously said "Hey how you doing!" but my higher functioning kicked in and I walked away immediately. I went to the pool expecting her to show up, where I would have to reiterate the letter I was forced to put in her file saying "You are a liar don't ever call my house again!" But thank goodness she never showed up. I told the desk clerk after I got out of the pool to please not give my room number out, so as long as she doesn't show up at the resturaunt I am good.

My reaction to saying how I feel is so much different than before I began the new medication, I was completely ready to assertively tell her about herself without worrying about hurting her feelings, which in this case is completely appropriate.

I am feeling a lot of different feelings since beginning this medication. Like an OCD sufferer, who hears a constant loop of "the house will burn down if you don't check the stove" I heard a constant loop of catastrophic thinking, and now that loop has been quieted substantially. This week alone I have felt confident enough to look into applying at a "real" airline, and also have toyed in my head with the old re-occuring dream, to be a physical therapist.

But as I said in my last post, even a brilliant mathematician will be stuck on a problem if they use the same incorrect methods over and over, I have felt inspired and confident before, and have repeatedly gotten in over my head. I did that a bit with the museum, but that ended up being a good thing becuase I raised the bar in what I expected of myself for the first time in 2 years.

So I am going to stay put. I am going to enjoy and improve on what I have accomplished so far, instead of jumping on the impulse to move up to a new level. No harm in INVESTIGATING schools, airlines, or creative pursuits, but for now, unlike before, I am going to look, look, and look some more before I leap.

mood: icky- my captain, F/O and a Norweigen pilot I have the hots for are in one resturaunt with Lorraine. I just said "can we go to this other resturaunt" when the captian came out to get me, and he knew why without me telling him. I tried to be discreet and say "I have good reason" and he said "I don't know about that" which means she has made something up about me. I bad mouthed a friend of the captain's to her, which I know she has shared, so now an ugly part of me has been exposed, and another has been invented about me, I feel on the defensive, which is stupid because I want nothing to do with this girl and she is trying to drag me in. whoooooooooooo, I just exhaled, writing that was helpful, if they ever get out of there I am going to talk about something else (hard to do.) Sad thing is the F/O and I had a nice dynamic going on, well now that he has learned about "what I did" he probably wont like me. (after the lesbian and "man in my room" inventions I am interested to know what she came up with) sheesh LOL

18 comments:

Satan said...

She may have told them about your exotic snake dancing. I've been spreading that rumour everywhere : )

I think it's a good choice to hold-off jumping into something new, but you're definately right. There's nothing wrong with researching.

Satan said...

I'm working at home today so I prob wont around. Hope your icky feeling turns to a licky feeling.









Oh please, I was talking about ice-cream...

Satan said...

Hope you're feeling less icky today : )

Diana Crabtree said...

I am! Especially seeing it was yesterday you were working from home instead of today WOO HOO

While writing the end of the post I was feeling annoyed and childish having to seperate the pilots from the group they had starting haning out with. I realized they had taken a long time and so I walked in and said (from an angle where her back was facing me) "I'm going to go get a sandwich" The captian looked upset but I said "It's cool- seriously" and he knew I meant it.

I was happy with the way it turned out, except the norwegian was sitting, drinking his beer talking to no-one, while Lorraine was talking to the F/O who I was digging a little bit too.

The next day I was happy and cool and didnt bring it up and there was no weirdness :)

Satan said...

Why was the norwegian talking to no-one? Must have looked weird, sitting there chatting away to himself. Maybe he was chatting to ghosts. Oh, you mean he was not chatting with anyone. Hehehe, sorry couldn't resist.

I'm glad you faced the little tramp. Even if it was behind her back. But, I guess whe went behind yours.

Diana Crabtree said...

I feel like I am in elementary school now, first you write me and tell me you want me to use the word "to" and now this?

If I didn't make lots of spelling and grammar mistakes, how would you pick on me?

Diana Crabtree said...

And I did it on purpose this time

Satan said...

LMAO, I would never ask you to use the word 'to', that's the queens english and should only be used by us convicts. As I said tis but a pet peeve, don't know why it grinds on my ear so hard.

I can think of many ways to pick on you. Now, where'd I put my wabbit...

Satan said...

Hey Tweaker - You ignoring me now?

Diana Crabtree said...

Sooooooooo Sorry.

I was just on the phone with my good friend Earl.

I told him a little bit about himself, (That I know he is smart so why does he act like a dumbass) I said it nice-like, I still felt like I was talking to a smiling rock

Diana Crabtree said...

I am just proving that theory you had about me. I guess I just take friends kind of seriously, and I only like to keep the ones around who are worth it. I suppose I could just keep it at a friendly shallow level- but thats all it's been. He is one boring person to talk to! EH!

Diana Crabtree said...

I am a bridge-burner, thats what you were saying, but you were too nice to use those words

Satan said...

i'm also a brdige burner on occasion. I understand where it comes from.

Satan said...

Actually of more of a 'non-bridge builder' with some people.

Diana Crabtree said...

He's the perfect person to not burn the bridge of, he is EXTREMELY laid back, and is difficult to get rid of. He is pleasant, but just boring as hell since it's nothing but small talk and bragging. At least I got it off my chest.

Satan said...

Urgh - We have a guy here that does nothing but brag. You're right, that is boring. Laid back people can be great friends though.

Satan said...

I met a guy last night that's a Silver smith. Really interesting fellow who I wouldn't mind working with as some of his skills can translate over to what I'm doing, but I wouldn't work with him or even become friends with him. There's way to many problems in his life and I just know that I'd be sucked into them. I find it to be too energy sapping. It doesn't feel nice, but that's the truth of it, I don't have time for someone like that.

Satan said...

Um, Hello...