Thursday, August 25, 2005

About last night...

I regularly feel compelled to write something about the nature of my blog. The severe change in moods on my last two posts compelled me to say a few words.

So you know the title "The world is out to get me" is a self deprecating joke. I didn't actually think the world was out to get me, but my melodramatic moods tell me that at times- so I titled it so as a way to mock the melodrama.

The other thing is, I know such posts are annoying, they sound like idle complaining, but they arent. They are a coping tool. I journal my shitty mood, and it's diffused, or transformed. It's purging. Seeing that people read the blog does make me hesitate. I think "geez I sound so whiny" or "I sound so sleazy" but first and foremost the blog is for me, and if my writing entertains or helps someone else, it makes it all worthwhile :)

And "victim" is a slur. I post when I felt that way to get rid of it. I hate it.

I am sorry to anyone who reads this, for my mood swings. They are unpleasant to read, but they are a part of my life, and recording them helps me learn. Please never read my low moods as fishing for attention or comments (they are appreciated quite a bit however.) Don't even feel obligated to read them. Again, the ACTION of posting is theraputic. Thats why I do it.

mood: MUCH improved (thanks to an expired allergy nasal spray from 2004 [it burned!])

2 comments: said...

i don't think you have to apologize. it's your space, your voice, your words. i journal too because it helps me cope. and it's probably a lot healthier coping mechanism than cutting, which i sometimes do. writing has helped me get through a lot of difficult times in my life. i like reading your blog because it does help to know that there are other people out there i can relate to. i think you're doing a good job staying positive. i imagine it must have been hard to see your father, but you got through and you're all good :) take it easy.

Diana Crabtree said...

Thanks Kat. I am so glad writing has helped you like its helped me, and great point, its so much better to post then to cope in a destructive way!

I like knowing that when I put painful and/or embarrasing things it helps other people know they arent the only person who feels that way, it sure has done that for me!