I know its the medicine, my food intake and activity have not been bad, if anything they have been good. I havn't been this heavy for a year.
I feel really defeated right now. This is a faustian bargain if I have ever heard of one. My anxiety has calmed enough for me to feel comfortable with the fact that I value beauty- in exchange for this sense of peace- FAT!
I could stand myself at 185. I wanted to lose more but walking past a mirror didn't feel like punishment. I feel that "learned helplessness" response right now. I have eaten relatively well this trip. I did have imperfect foods, but my calories were less than usual. I am seeing now that I am going to change to a full-on weight watchers -always-thinking-about-what-food-I-have-eaten type of lifestyle. I would much rather stay the same weight, put the weight loss off until later and deal with my brain first, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There is of course only one answer to this dilemma. I need to go on a bikeride. My chain has a kink in it and is being annoying but I guess now is as good of a time to deal with it as ever. I am so sad. I am going to check my calendar to see if it's just my cycle (oh, what a saving grace that would be) but I doubt it.
mood: concerned, defeated
I just checked- its not TOTM.