Thursday, June 09, 2005
My City, My Self
One of the pictures on my camera was a great photo of an outdoor sculpture my cousin took at the museum. This sculpture is well known, and can easily identify my city.
I love my city. I think my city is one of the best out there (I would very comfortably say "the" best, but I haven't lived in enough cities to make that decision) My love for my city brings about a dilemma.
I get frustrated sometimes when writing on my blog. I can say "I went to a dance performance that made me cry" when what I want to say is "I went to the *** dance company's performance of *** and you should see it, it made me cry!"
I love my city and I want the world to know how beautiful life is here. But if I let on my city, I let on my identity. If I told you the city I live in, you would know what airline I work for. If I told you what city I live in you would know what museum I volunteer for. If you know my airline and/or musem, you know me. And if my identity is attached to this blog, I will not feel comfortable being as open as I am.
This saddens me so much. When I hold back all of the beauty that surrounds me I am also holding back the beauty that is in my life. If I hold back the beauty that is in my life I am holding back part of my life. And if I am holding back part of my life in my journal, I am only acknowledging the pain in my life, and not the joy too.
I had started up a public page, but I was just too shy to be ready to be that open. I imagine I could occasionally add to my public blog, but when Im feeling depressed I don't even feel enough energy to read my favorite blogs, let alone post, how would I have the energy to post on two?
As I think about it, I think I will. I think I will let my public blog be very neglected, and not ask anyone to read it. But having it would give me a voice to speak about my city, as this blog gives me to speak about myself.
mood: smitten (by my beautiful city!)