Thursday, June 09, 2005

My City, My Self


IMG_7441
Originally uploaded by DianaCrabtree.
My father and grandparents got me a nice digital camera for my birthday. I love it and am enjoying using it very much. Today I got the software installed to my computer.

One of the pictures on my camera was a great photo of an outdoor sculpture my cousin took at the museum. This sculpture is well known, and can easily identify my city.

I love my city. I think my city is one of the best out there (I would very comfortably say "the" best, but I haven't lived in enough cities to make that decision) My love for my city brings about a dilemma.

I get frustrated sometimes when writing on my blog. I can say "I went to a dance performance that made me cry" when what I want to say is "I went to the *** dance company's performance of *** and you should see it, it made me cry!"

I love my city and I want the world to know how beautiful life is here. But if I let on my city, I let on my identity. If I told you the city I live in, you would know what airline I work for. If I told you what city I live in you would know what museum I volunteer for. If you know my airline and/or musem, you know me. And if my identity is attached to this blog, I will not feel comfortable being as open as I am.

This saddens me so much. When I hold back all of the beauty that surrounds me I am also holding back the beauty that is in my life. If I hold back the beauty that is in my life I am holding back part of my life. And if I am holding back part of my life in my journal, I am only acknowledging the pain in my life, and not the joy too.

I had started up a public page, but I was just too shy to be ready to be that open. I imagine I could occasionally add to my public blog, but when Im feeling depressed I don't even feel enough energy to read my favorite blogs, let alone post, how would I have the energy to post on two?

As I think about it, I think I will. I think I will let my public blog be very neglected, and not ask anyone to read it. But having it would give me a voice to speak about my city, as this blog gives me to speak about myself.

mood: smitten (by my beautiful city!)

18 comments:

Satan said...

I don't see this at all.

Live the beauty of your life rather than caring that deeply about how you write about it. Look at me (I'm very pretty, hey?), hardly a post deeper than a puddle. But that doesn't take anything away from some of the very cool things that go on in my life. I'm actually more interested in the emotional responses you're having to experiences in your life rather than exactly which performance you saw. If it's moved you then that's the interesting part.

So having said all that, which city are you in? ; )

Diana Crabtree said...

Satan-

Cool things go on in your life? I thought Hell was hot as...well, hell!

I appreciate that you feel my blog works as is. I just wish that when I find a wonderful thing that I respond to, that I could spread the word. Recording things, whether by photograph, writing, or drawing cements them my memory, and actually helps me to "live the beauty in my life"

If you want to know my city, look at your statcounter. My city is the the one you get the most hits from ;) (hint: it's in the US)

Satan said...

Dang, I thought I gave myself the most hits...

You draw?? Posty, posty.

PS. You're absolutely right, I mis-typed myself. I should have said 'the shit-hot things that happen in my life'.

Diana Crabtree said...

If Satan orders it, I will do it Tee hee

I don't draw much, mostly because I am a perfectionist and only like to draw things from photos where I can feel good about the results. But now and then when I don't have a camera I will sketch where things are, just to capture the moment.

I have intended for quite some time to post a self portrait I drew at about 11. Not post it but make it my profile picture. I don't know how I did it but this picture shows so much anger and angst, and I was only a kid and was able to translate that.

Once my BRAND NEW scanner actually works I will posty posty (for my dark lord)

Satan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Diana Crabtree said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Satan said...

Can I delete the post for you...

Diana Crabtree said...

Thats not necessary, but thank you. I highly doubt someone from the museum will happen to come upon this comment in this post in this blog and figure out it's me.

Anonymous said...

Why can't I post

**deleted post read**

Cheers, I look forward to seeing them... I probably should post some of my stuff but, well, um, I use most of it for comercial purposes. I dont like the idea of people being able to rip of my copyrighted images.

I did check the stats and I think the museum you guide for is... The Museum of XXXXXXXXX... apparently it's based in your home town...

Satan said...

Oh there we go!! hehehe

Satan said...

Must run to lunch... having fried baby brain at the Hell Canteen today... mmm....

Diana Crabtree said...

Well I have to go to bed because I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in the morning. (Sounds like a joke but isn't) hee hee

Diana Crabtree said...

**deleted post responding to his deleted post read**

The answer is yes and no.
The museum of XXXXXXXXX closed. It was owned by a couple and closed when they retired. I actually think they go to my church! (I think I met them and thats how I learned it)

Their museum lives on at the Science Museum of...oops! almost said it!
So good for you, you figured it out. You realize you also just [didn't] outed me don't you? ;)

Satan said...

Cool, ummm... hot (ya knows wot I's means, ahhh, I've turned into Popeye)


Hope you sleep well and have a productive day with the psych. Just don't tell him/her you've been talking to Satan...

SpiderSolitaire said...

Ok, I will spill the beans...
Diana is actually Carmen Electra ;):) who made the Strippercise videos. I think she lives in California.
There, it's all out in the open now, don't you feel much better.

SpiderSolitaire said...

Um, ew, I think I just found dried baby food on my shoulder... Hmm... how long have I been walking around with that there... Ew!

Satan said...

Spidey,

That is probably the funniest comment I've seen in ages. BRAVO

Diana Crabtree said...

Now you have outed me Spider! I thought you could keep a secret! Just don't tell Dave- K?