Wednesday, June 22, 2005

ice cream cones are better than bowls

Every day is an ice cream day, but today is a BIG TIME ice cream day!

I didn't take my medication last night because I was already in bed (on a loft) and I thought it wouldn't be a big deal- I could take it when I got up to go to the bathroom- but I never remembered. My day went okay- I didn't feel like I did around my birthday or anything, but then I went off the deep end.

I was on Spider's blog trying to do a "communication experiment"- it was as dorky as it sounds. (no, thats not even the deep end) well I am sitting there doing a rediculously dorky thing and that is pointed out (actually no one really said dorky, they said "funny" -which it was) and you would have thought I was an 8 year old in a schoolyard I was so upset...I realized soon enough that I was being silly, but felt bad enough that I wanted to leave the situation. I made a joke about it and even though I knew it was stupid I took a shower and felt all pitiful and hurt. When I got out to put on deodarant I remembered about my medication and took it.

Emma has friends over and everything she said stung like she has just bullied me intentionally. Emma responded to something in reference to me with "I don't know" ooh! how harsh! and I felt genuine offense! The experience today was yucky. Spider also got shook up from the process, she was seeing it as making up with someone who she percieved meant her harm, and I couldnt tell she was getting more and more upset until it was all over.

In spite of all the unpleasantness I sure got a reminder of how I am without my medication! Remember when the curator was so snotty to me in the museum library? At this point I don't know if she actually snubbed me or if she was having a bad day. I can't believe I was spending every moment of my life this upset and seeing it as being normal! (well I knew it wasn't normal but I thought it was just the way my life is) I can see, from the fact that things have changed since I have increased my dosage- that this is how life should feel! It should feel hard- not uphill! A month ago when I woke up and saw the houseplant in my room I felt dread at the sight. The houseplant meant I was awake and had another uphill battle ahead of me. Now I am not excited to get out of bed for work, but I do and I get there...and I have been waking up on my days off at the early dawn hour of 11:00 instead of my noon to one wakeups a few weeks ago.

The house is filling with people. I am typing on the computer instead of sitting with them and chatting about people I don't know. I am sure I seem like a dork but my medication has kicked in so I am okay with that- not bawling in the shower. I am so glad I am in counseling and that I have medication.

I am also glad I have ice cream. And ice cream cones. Ice cream cones are better than bowls. With a bowl you can eat 3 big scoops in 10 minutes and hardly notice you had any. With a cone you have to lick and savor it. If you have 2 ice cream cones (the equivalent of a large bowl) you feel decadant and wonderful.

mood: decadent

82 comments:

Satan said...

Mmmm... Ice cream in the shower with medication. Mmmm.

Satan said...

Geesh, I was only joking...

Diana Crabtree said...

I cant believe you would suggest eating ice cream in the shower, that is an abomination!

I had to leave my house. It was full of people I didn't know and my roommate was cooking...I had to be 150 degrees in there (you know how that feels!) I am spending the night at the air conditioned house of a friend who is moving and needs help packing :)

I am still unsure I can forgive you for the ice cream remark.

Satan said...

It was a shower of chocolate milk.

I'm not sure how that feels anymore. The temperatures like minus 300 here or something.

Satan said...

Anyway, I'm sure you're asleep.

Sorry you had a crappy day and had to abandon your flat.

Have fun moving house - You're an awfully good friend.

SpiderSolitaire said...

Only sugar cones, waffle cones taste like ass

Diana Crabtree said...

I like cake cones best

Satan said...

I like other cones.

Diana Crabtree said...

last night my friend was rude enough to say "use as many paper towels as you want" when I asked her how many I could use while cleaning the mirrors. Can you believe her? how rude!

I went running, bawling into the shower. I found the waffle cones she had at her house were not as absorbant as the cake cones at my house and they also taste, in fact, like ass.

Satan said...

Oh Diana, That's terribly inconsiderate of her to allow you to use as many towels as you like and then give you waffle cones.

Satan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Diana Crabtree said...

She is inconsiderate, not a true friend really...at least I still have ice cream.

And why did you write it twice? Are you suggesting that I am too dumb to understand it the first time?

And why did you delete the second one? Is it because you dont think I am "deserving" of understanding your comment? You are the devil!!!

*runs to shower, with gallon bucket of rocky road*

Satan said...

ummmm... Diana? Is that you...

Satan said...

*over loud speaker*

Put down the bucket and slowly step away from the Ice-cream.

When I count to 3 you'll come out of the shower with your hnds up.

Diana Crabtree said...

Fooled Jah! I took my medication last night and after what happened yesterday I think I will be more on top of things for now on.

You thought I was seriously upset today and yesterday at my friend because I am MASTER THESPIAN!

ACTING!

Satan said...

*over loud speaker*

Open fire men, it's an actor

Satan said...

*over loud speaker*

Cease fire, not one of you idiots hit her. That's it I quit. I'm going back to my other love.

The ballet.

*Satan twirls off stage*

Diana Crabtree said...

*cackles loudly*

Diana Crabtree said...

The ice cream bucket caught and absorbed all of the bullets- should I still eat it?

Satan said...

*from offstage*

Everyone can use extra iron in their diet. I say go for it.

Diana Crabtree said...

Your arabesque could use some work- maybe iron supplements would help

Satan said...

Urgh... Now it's my turn to be offended. My form and grace is perfect, I have daaanced for Kings and Queens. True, that was in a burlesque, but I still danced for them. *whispers* I wore nothing under my tu-tu.

Diana Crabtree said...

*offers bulled laced ice cream cone as a peace offering*

(and imagines you in a tu-tu) ;)

Satan said...

awwww, rocky road and bullets. My favourite. Thanks Diana.

Sexy, aint I?!

Diana Crabtree said...

Like the sexiest angel in heaven

Satan said...

oooo... you are being insulting today. Like an angel??

Diana Crabtree said...

I read in a book once that you, Satan, were the most beautiful angel in heaven.

I wish I could remember what that book was called, it started with a B. Oh shit what was it? Oh yeah...Beowulf

Satan said...

I was more cute than beautiful

Diana Crabtree said...

That must have been lost in translation

Satan said...

Good movie!

Satan said...

Off topic - *as if we we'ren't already*

I read spidey's site. I can't help feel a little bit culpable. I wasn't really trying to council her, I was just trying to get some perspective into the conversation with R & BLOG. I can undersatand what she's talking about though. Whoops!

Diana Crabtree said...

Its me- I am WAY too involved and its WAY unhealthy. (I think you missed the "incident" in her comments, but I prefer it that way- I am a little embarrassed)

Satan said...

Spill... no need to be embarrassed with your friendly neigbourhood Devil

Diana Crabtree said...

Fuck...I just did that thing again where I wrote most of a post and then lost the window

your fault

Satan said...

*runs into shower with ice-creamm and bawls his eyes out*

Satan said...

*from Shower through mouthful of ice-cream*

Well, I, I, *tear rolls down face unnoticed in torrent of water*

I hope you and spidey are still friends.

*sniff*

Diana Crabtree said...

Would it make you feel better if I told you I like "lost in translation" too?

I watched it last week and felt very moved- I didnt watch the commentary becuse I exchanged it to see Justin Kirk (my lover) in another DVD.

L.I.T. felt like a depression metaphor- or maybe a lonliness metaphor, I loved it

And I loved scarlett johansens line where she said "every girl goes through a photography phase- you know where they take stupid pictures of their feet" I laughed so loud because thats so me right now.

Diana Crabtree said...

Spidey and I may remain friends, we are "in negotiations" of figuring out how I can stop being all up in her business and still deal with the drama in her life

Either way we both care enough about the other to want what is best for both of us

(Speaking of Drama LOL)

Satan said...

*sniff*

Yeah, it's a great meatphor phor depression. It's that moment where you're waiting for anything to re-invigorate you so you can go on with your life. Nice use of generic environments, hotel rooms, bars etc...

I never really understood that line though.

Isn't Justin Kirk gay??

Diana Crabtree said...

Justin Kirk loves me

Satan said...

Talking of Gay, as we weren't, is being all up in her business a metaphor for something.

Diana Crabtree said...

Did you sincerely not understand that line? I think it was just an astute observation of one thing that young people do when they are trying to figure out who they are

Satan said...

I know, I know, I was just saying...

Satan said...

explain?! (the line -we're crossing conversations)

Diana Crabtree said...

I cant tell if you are joking or not. I will pretend that your not.

I am just getting WAY too protective of her, it may FEEL like she is my little sister, but that doesn't mean she IS my little sister

I am trying to fight her battles for her and that is not cool- for either of us

Diana Crabtree said...

Which line feet or business LMAO

Satan said...

Yeah, there's that whole 'on your own two feet thing'. I understand now.

Satan said...

feet! LMAO as well

Diana Crabtree said...

I didnt see it as symbolic, I saw it as an observation.

Your in an arty phase so you take pictures of lots of things, your experimenting with composition and so you take pictures of things like your feet- but now I am wondering if there is so me deeper layer of meaning OOH!

As for "business" I may be a huge non-practicing Lez, but the dynamic with spider and I is familial- which is probably the problem

Satan said...

I was JOKING about the lesbefriends thingo. Sorry.

I would have thought it was more symbolic of when you're down you can spend hours just looking at your feet (bowed almost). It's also what people do when they're embarrassed or feel admonished.

Diana Crabtree said...

Satan said...

huh??? Very Poignant

Diana Crabtree said...

I LOVE that interpretation! maybe! I just enjoyed it for this reason

Satan said...

I thought of that the second I read that's the place you are at right now. very cute.

Satan said...

what did you mean 'maybe!'

Diana Crabtree said...

hee hee.

I love laughing at myself (that is when I have taken my medication LMAO)

I think anyone who sees themself as an "arteest" should laugh at themselves at least a little

Diana Crabtree said...

That is what it means of course Mr. Satan. Sorry to overstep my bounds
tee hee

Satan said...

Oh NO, Arteests are all very serious individuals with places to go and people to see with whom they can talk about the little people, like us, and look down their ever so elegant noses at the plebians of the world and with a snort and a chortle know how absolutely special and unique they truly are.

Diana Crabtree said...

ROTFLMFAO

Satan said...

I was actually asking to what the 'maybe!' referred too. The fact you love the interpretation or the interpretation itself. I really don't mind which, I wasn't sure is all.

Satan said...

Hehehe - I even enjoyed writing that one...

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh. I loved the interpretation. The maybe was in refrence to the interpretation itself...

OH MY GOD I am a terrible communicator!

*flings herself dramatially towards the freezer*

Diana Crabtree said...

Takes one to know one Satan LMAO

Satan said...

No, stay away from the light... the little one in the freezer. You're a fantastic communicator, why do you think I keep coming back.

I'm not an Arteest. Please don't let me be an Arteest... I'm an artisan. maybe!

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh you boobala! I was kidding! aww

I say you are an artichoke

Diana Crabtree said...

I am way oversensitive- but with medication I only read into 75% of what people say- dont worry that I am going to do that with what you write

Diana Crabtree said...

And I didn't actually get offended when my friend said use all of the paper towels I was kidding there...(but I DID when my roommate said "I don't know" LOL)

Satan said...

And I say you are a art... what the hell is a boobala?????

Diana Crabtree said...

I think its yiddish

I dont know what it is but I think you are one

Satan said...

I knew you were being Ironic about the paper towel incident. I figured you were comparing the 'I dont know' statement to the folly of the 'Paper towel' statement. I appreciate the subtle things you write.

Satan said...

Then boobala from now onwards will mean - the most evil horrid being in existence.

Diana Crabtree said...

boobala

Satan said...

I think you're just enjoying writing that.

Diana Crabtree said...

Because that is affectionate in the language of Hell?

Diana Crabtree said...

boobala- It's not like I need therapy or anything but I have an appointment tomorrow so you must stop entertaining me so much so I can go to sleep

Diana Crabtree said...

boobala is a great word thats for sure

Satan said...

Fare thee well then young Crabtree.

May all you mis-interpretation of the written word be to you favour.

Sleep well

Diana Crabtree said...

Oh you!

Night.

OG said...

whenever u need icecream, my bowl is ur bowl.

Diana Crabtree said...

Awww OG! Well I hope you have a life full of rich dark chocolate, not rocky road :)

Anonymous said...

Boobala, is really spelled Buebele, and is yiddish for darling.

Diana Crabtree said...

Thank you anonymous buebele!

:)