Have you ever seen the TV show "Wife Swap" or "Trading Spouses?" The mothers of two families live with the family of the other one, and make decisions of how they should live their life differently. Like all reality shows, they set scenerios up to incite conflict and drama, but I still watch them when I run across them.
Since my anti-depressants were increased and returning from Florida, I feel like a mother on one of these shows. I am in this house observing the lifestyle the prior tenant lead. I look at her life with a mix of distain and compassion. "She spends HOW MUCH time on the computer?"; "THIS is how she keeps her bedroom?"; "She could be so pretty if she just dolled herself up a bit"; "Doesn't she ever go out?" It's my assignment to tell this poor girl how to live her life differently, and it's a big job.
For a moment or two I find myself thinking "I feel blah" but the second after I think it I say "then stop surfing blog explosion and finish the dishes...do things that make your life better." I look at the philosophies of the prior tenant and think "That poor thing, she is rationalizing her unhealthy lifestyle"; "She wants a boyfriend, but anyone who would fit into her lifestyle would hold her back."
Like the neat freak who ends up in the slob's house on the TV programs, I find myself with a big cleaning job to tackle. There is so much to do, and I will need to work on it for quite awhile to get it to a cheery envioronment. I will do all the work needed, but unlike the prior tenant I won't let the mess get in the way of me going out and living my life.
My instinct is to look down on the prior tenant, they do that quite a bit on these shows. Instead of judging her I will feel compassion for her, and see the choices she makes that I disagree with as being things that harm her, and instead feel grateful that I am not in the cycle that she was, that no matter how she tried she couldn't do better for herself.
Like on the show, I have gotten to examine my lifestyle, learned where it needs improvement, and feel grateful to be me.
mood: pumped (and a bit surreal- invasion of the body snatchers!)