Sunday, January 01, 2006

Sex on the beach

Happy New Year! I began mine in beautiful Fort Lauderdale, FL!

I got off the plane at 11:26PM. First thing I took off my ugly snow-proof shoes and slipped on my sexy evening summer sandals. We rang in the new year with the windows of the car open as we drove along "the strip" with fireworks and people to the left and right of us, and the horns of the lined up cars honking.

We drove to an amazing hotel that Francis (the neighbor I met when I knocked on the door intending to flirt with her boyfriend) described as "the old people dress up bar." The hotel is right on the beach, it is a beautiful building, it reminds me of the "Beverly Hills Hotel." Of course they are going to tear down this amazing building and put up a highrise that will block out the midday sun. We considered staying there last night, but it would have cost $100 for each of us, and there are other ways I wouold rather spend $100.

At the bar I met Mario Bravo, a bartender I had heard of more than once. He was fabulous with long white curls, Elton John style red rimmed glasses and a long silky shirt with masqurade masks printed all over it. As the night ended he released large bunches of baloons. This is bad for whales, but I held my tounge about it. It did look pretty to see them fly away.

We met some FEMA guys at the bar, including a guy who had arrived right after Wilma, and when I say "right after" I mean there were 12 of them, and over a million people to serve. The man I spoke with went in great detail about this, but I am afraid it was hard to concentrate after ingesting my two margarita and Lexapro cocktail.

We also met some firefighters from Missouri who were in town working on rebulding. We were approached by the one they call "Sasquatch" and soon the whole gang was sitting with us. This was a wild bunch. Steve and his wife Chrissy joked about having "Sex on the beach" I begged them to do it so I would have a story to tell my friends back home (you know I was thinking please do it so I can blog it!)

They took my dare, and went out to the edge of the water while Sasquatch snapped pictures. Next thing I know Sasquatch comes to the patio with their pants, and I can see a bare butt moving around :) Sasquatch was having as much fun as they were, he stripped down to his shorts and there was a moment there when it looked like he was showing them his Sasquatch!

I knew it was time to go when Sasquatch started asking us to flash the camera. He also asked if I wanted "Sex on the beach" To which I replied "No thank you, I have had enough to drink." This was a wild, wild bunch. I did alot of thinking about how I would deal with the evening if Francis wasn't there. This is a group where you get laid. A group you'd have threesomes with, orgies even! I feel like I am at a new phase in my life, right? I wouldn't want to participate, right? I was so thankful to have Francis there, keeping me normal, because it would feel so fun and so natural to let the evening just happen, to all of it's wild extremes. As we left Francis gave them a friendly goodbye, "Girls Gone Wild" style.

We arrived to the condo that Francis is in Florida is fixing up for her ill, elderly father. It looks great. Francis is the woman who I spent so much time at thrift stores with back home, and she really knows how to find things. The condo looks like a magazine. The best find? Two CRAFTMATIC ADJUSTABLE BEDS! Thats right, I slept last night on a craftmatic adjustable bed, with my head slightly up and my legs elevated above them.

She stayed in the room with me last night, and we fell asleep to the hum of our craftmatic adjustable beds massage feature, interspersed with residual laughter from a 5 minute uncontrolable laughing fit.

This was the best way for me to start my new year, as the old, (but improved) fun me! I had made a decision that this would be the year that I focus on my friends and family, that I would come out of my narcissictic self-protecting shell. To add to that I am going to resolve to have, and be, a lot of fun. I suppose I should be careful though, I should keep my fun to a moderate level, where the "sex on the beach" is limited to a drink, that is of course, unless it is in the context on a love relationship :)

mood: very very happy


Pamela Foreman said...

Cool story! Beats my new year's ring in!

Barry said...

Did You go to Fountain valley HS?

Jay said...

Sounds lovely. said...

hey. i just want to let you know that i moved. well i haven't actually moved. it's just that i don't want to put my mental health issues on my primary blog. so i started a new blog just for my mental health issues so i could be more open and protect people's anonymity at the same time. please update your link to my site. i'll be blogging about my mental health issues at i call my new blog simply "katinka's blog."

thanks, katinka

Diana Crabtree said...

Pam- It beats all of my new years ring ins to date! LOL

Barry- Diana is not my real name. Apologize to the real one for thinking I could be her.

Jay- you mock me

Katinka- I'll change it, thanks