It’s 10:09 AM and I am sitting under a parasol sipping coffee on the patio at an incredible hotel in the Florida Keys. In the hotel room is a very attractive blonde who I will call Kelly, I call him this because he looks to me like a surfer, like Kelly Slater, and his real name is one that could be a girls name too. I don’t know where to begin.
We drove to the keys from Fort Lauderdale yesterday. One of the first stops in the Keys was “The Caribbean Club” in Key Largo. The Humphrey Bogart film “Key Largo” filmed there. According to Francis’ dad it’s bad luck to pass the Caribbean Club without stopping there, we did not need that, so we stopped. I had vowed not to drink during the day to go a little easier on my poor abused body, but when Francis ordered a frozen drink, it sounded too good to resist, so I ordered what ended up being an extremely strong pina colada and we sat outside and watched the enormous graceful pelicans.
We drove for about four hours total and then arrived at key west at about 6:00. We checked into the hotel, a collection of 3 houses, directly across the street from the Ernest Hemingway house, and we headed out. Francis and I had a little spat as we walked towards the pier, it was about something dumb, but it had been coming. Francis is a very unique and amazing woman, a joy to spend time with. What makes her so special is she feels no obligation to follow social conventions, which can be a lot of fun and quite refreshing. This doesn’t mean however that she is a completely laid back. She DOES follow a set of rules, not society’s rules, Francis’ rules, and she can be just as rigid as a bible belt preacher about them. I ended up getting sick of her repetitive criticism of which pictures I chose to take, the price I was willing to pay for a refrigerator magnet, and the fact that I see maps as useful. The tension had gotten thick, I said something condescending to her during a misunderstanding, and she said something condescending back. We walked silently for about 10 minutes and we apologized.
We ate at a restaurant on the pier, and then headed to the evenings destination, the clothing optional bar “The Garden of Eden.” I had left my ID at home, I was in a rush to leave for the plane, and my room is back in disaster mode. When we arrived the bouncer asked for my ID, Francis knew I didn’t have it, so we shrugged and I said “No, I’m not 21” (I obviously am) I regretted that I was bitchy like that, especially since I hate having people argue with me at work. We walked back to the hotel to get my Airport ID, it has my picture on it, and my Flight Attendant’s license has my birthdate on it. Even if the bouncer wouldn’t let me in I wanted to at least get to apologize for being rude to him. He ended up letting me in, with the promise that I would buy him a shot after his shift. He said “I’m going to get a redheaded slut” Ha ha. (I have auburn hair)
First thing I saw when we walked in “oh! a penis!” it was funny to see that, an old man’s penis attached to a man sitting with his fully clothed wife. And then, first thing when we ordered a drink, “oh! boobs!” The bartender was very nice, good thing because otherwise I might hate her for her equally nice boobs. We took our drinks and I suggested we walk to the ledge (the bar is on a rooftop! Beautiful!) Francis walks to a spot where of course I ended up standing next to a naked guy. The naked guy was Bob. I chatted with him a bit, of course he started talking about being naked, but he was very nice.
Not long after arriving I got to dance with a Cuban man with no teeth or english speaking skills, that was fun. We got many margaritas from the toothless man’s friends, and a redheaded slut from the bouncer. And then they walked in. Leslie, a big burly lumberjack type, yummy, and Kelly, the surfer looking guy. Leslie approached us and said hi and was talking to Francis mostly, as Kelly and I sat on the sidelines leaning in. They left to smoke a bowl and when they came back Leslie said “When in Rome” and took everything off, I was very pleased (though I didn’t look!)
It was very funny, the moment Leslie took off his clothes Kelly moved to a seat a few feet away from him. I sat next to Kelly and asked “does it make you uncomfortable to sit next to your friend when he’s naked?” and we started a conversation. He was very nice, a bit shy maybe, but who isn’t at a clothing optional bar. The conversation went to work and to massage school. He, like everybody, said he needed a massage and I let him know right away that I wasn’t going to do ........They just came to say goodbye, GOD THEYRE HOT! I hate to see them go but I love to watch them do it!.............anyway, I let Kelly know that nothing would happen but I would love to give him a massage. We went off to the corner and I got to put my hands all over his gorgeous tanned body. As a side note, I did it in my bra LOL!
When it was time for the Garden of Eden to close, Bob the naked guy told us about a bar called the green parrot, we found it after searching for it hazily, and sat down for a beer where we met the schizophrenic man. He seemed relatively normal, not at all aggressive, but told us that there were chemicals being sprayed in the air, and that he wasn’t an alien. Bob the naked guy, who was now clothed, showed up at the bar too.
Kelly was just really wonderful and sweet. He didn’t kiss me until he was invited, which was nice, and it was uncomfortable for my ego, because I wanted him to want to devour me. He said a few times that I was sending him mixed messages. I really appreciated that he communicated to me that I was sending out sexual messages instead of reading them and then using them against me later. I swear to god I don’t know how not to send these mixed messages. I wanted to kiss passionately without having sex. We talked about it and he said it would be nice to sleep together, I couldn’t have agreed more.
We walked to the hotel around 4 to the sounds of roosters crowing. Right away Francis and Leslie left to sneak off to another hotel’s hot-tub. YES! Kelly and I kissed passionately like I wanted, and it got pretty hot. He could sense I was feeling really frustrated with my feelings, and I thought that it was nice that he was intuitive enough to notice it, and that he cared enough to ask about it. I asked him if he wanted to have sex and he seemed to agree with me that it would be cool, but it would be weird the next day, and he seemed to think it’s better with someone you care about too, I felt so nice to be able to just enjoy the making out without having the guilt trips thrown at me like I am used to.
I woke up at about 8 or 9 with a stuffed up nose, and a parched throat looking Coyote ugly with my messed up hair and smudged makeup. I didn't;t know what to do with my body, should i cuddle up with Kelly or give him space? I know it would have been 10 times weirder if we had slept together. After tossing and turning I decided to get up and go to the pool. It worked well, it gave me an excuse to fix myself up, and to not have to figure out the cuddle question. I woke him up and invited him, and his eyes lit up when he opened his eyes, which was nice. I ended up telling him to sleep awhile and to meet me out there if he woke up, he didn’t and I was glad. I enjoyed the time to think and be alone, and especially enjoyed not having the awkwardness of talking.
Now as I finish this we are on the Florida Turnpike heading back to Fort Lauderdale. I am not excited to go home but I think it’s good because I have spent so much money and drank so much. Nothing more could happen to top these few days. It has been so much fun I can’t believe it. Old Diana is back, the girl my friends met in college, the girl I was at 13. I sincerely thought that who I was was buried in the past. I’m still here and I have my whole life in front of me.