I sat down and thought about it, I have resisted 6 opportunities for guarunteed sex. I know that having opportunites for sex is not that big of a deal for a girl, but for me to not do it, especially considering how hot 2 of these men were...a BIG deal. I think I deserve a parade.
Saturday was amazing. I met a man on the last flight in. He is an advisor for his state's Governor (a Democrat, OF COURSE) I chit chatted with him on the plane, and shared a few little smiles with him, he had a great body, was handsome, sorry to admit this but I figured out of my league, but he asked me for a drink! I told him that I know about the flight attendant stereotype, and nothing was going to happen, but if he still wanted to hang out I would be in the lobby.
He showed up! It was a weird experience. He obviously wanted to sleep with me, he said I looked nice in red, out of the blue said "you're pretty," and even said I had a good figure (WTF?) I wouldn't think his intentions were anything but sexual, but he dropped things in the conversation like "now I have a reason to go there" (my city) and "I have someone to come visit me in [his city]" He was way too informal though, not a good candidate.
Here's where you lose the iota of respect you had for me...I still liked being around him. I was REALLY attracted to him, his behavior said "not a good candidate" but my body said "GOOD ENOUGH!!!!" I didn't sleep with him, I ended the date and everything, but he was on my mind all night and the first half of the next day.
Here's where you lose even more respect for me...if he calls me, I will see him again. I will be in town next saturday too, he knows I will be there, so I will agree to see him if he initiates it, but of course I am not going to call him.
Please send me e-mails and comments saying "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SLEEP WITH THAT MAN!" I really don't think I will, I can't drink because I am within the FAA 12 hours that you can't drink, which will help, but people, this ain't easy for me. I have twice considered doing it, and then starting my sex-with-love-only plan after "this one last time." Right now I am telling myself that he will be more interesting the next time around, and we can start dating (and then I get to have sex with him) but of course that's not how things will work out. I have good intuition, I am just choosing to ignore it right now.
Anti-depressants are supposed to lower your sex drive, not for me. And it isn't helping that I am getting male attention for the first time in years, I am drunk on the attention. There is something else I noticed. I have gotten attention from two men that in my opinion are WAY out of my league. I am convinced that I have a fat grape-shaped face. It never occured to me that other people might not see a big concord grape when they look at me. I am further excited by that possibility.
I know that I am on a good path. I know that casual sex is not healthy, and it's not what I really want, it's just really hard to convince myself that when I am faced with opportunities...good opportunities! If this is how I am now, imagaine how hard it would be for me if I lost weight, and the opportunities got better!
I got a good dose of reality last night to remind me that I am on the right path. Gina Gershon played Finch's over-sexed girlfriend on "Just Shoot Me." Not classy, not classy, not classy. The sex-drenched life feels really sexy from the inside, but when you look at it from the outside, it looks quite sad.
Okay...off to bed, where I will fantasize about my cute redhead first officer.
mood: very good :)
(you would PEE if you saw how outgoing I have been since Florida!)