Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I have a bad attitude right now

My cousin is in the north of my state from Richmond, VA. This cousin, who I haven't seen for ages, said she would like me to be the maid of honor in her wedding. And I am crabby that I have to go back to the airport to fly to visit her.

I am also crabby at my roommate, I am a person who was not babied in my adolecence, so when something needs to be done I figure out how to do it. She has to change her lightbulb, and doesn't know how to get up there. Why ask me? What is it about my brain that will be able to figure it out that her brain cant. She expected me to figure out the stuff involving parking her car too. If one of us has to be creative, why not have it be the one who needs the problem solved? Just a thought.

I took 2/3 of my anti-depressant last night, because I ran out. Basically I took the dosage that I was taking before it was raised. I have taken the remaining 1/3 now, but I am sure I won't notice the difference until at least a few hours from now.

I just hate being leaned on. If it's for something reasonable, you need a friend to talk you through a break-up or problems with your family, fine. But you need a lightbulb changed? It's your problem. I notice that people who come from healthy families are the ones who bug me this way the most. The seem really helpless to me, but in reality they are just used to having people to depend on, which is really good.

And I am feeling some guilt for being mad that I have to visit my cousin. I do have a point, I am going to have to spend an hour on a bus, with luggage, and then an hour at the airport, then an hour on the plane. And I am not going to have any "me time" between the last trip and the next one. Nows a time I wish I had a family that figured things out for me, a mommy who drives me to the airport when I am going to visit my cousin, but come on, I am 28 now, it's time to move on past the desire to be taken care of, everyone has to have adult responsibilities, not just the ones who had bad childhoods.

It's time for me to pack. I am grumpy that I have to figure out how to pack all of these Christmas presents. It's really not a big deal, but I am making it into one because I am crabby. It is the least I can do to visit my cousin who said she wanted me as her maid of honor- when I totally don't deserve it. It is the right thing for me to do to use my flight benefits, this job wont last forever.

MY ATTITUDE IS SO BAD RIGHT NOW! I have taken my medication, I just need to get done what needs to get done and get on with it. I am a big girl, whining won't fix anything (but why do I have to listen to my roommate whine? Grrr.

mood: no need to ask, crabby, crabby, crabby


Kelli said...

I could swear we're coming up on a full moon because you're not the only one that feels crabby! Ugh! Not to add fuel to the fire but I don't know if relying on others to change a lightbulb or park a car is the effect of being from a 'healthy family' or if it is just a lazy habit. Sorry, I'm the youngest of four and grew up doing the same things - it is time to get your roommate to empower herself! See if you can get your roommate to laugh at herself for being such a dork and maybe it will occur to her that she's not so helpless after all. Good luck! And have fun at the wedding - who knows, maybe you'll meet some cool people. Cheers -k.

Suzanne said...

happy pills! we all need them from time to time.
I just surfed in from BE, and I thought i'd tell you the background pattern on your blog is very pretty! love the purple.